Entitlement is for Sissies

So often, we moms have a sense of entitlement when it comes to our "me" time. Our attitude often sounds like "I just spent the day training x number of kids and they've all been disobedient and I haven't sat down one time so you're going to watch the kids for me, honey, while I go to Starbucks and read a book. I deserve it."

I know I'm soooo guilty of this.

How many times have I "rewarded" myself for doing the most mundane stuff that I should be doing anyway? How many times have I felt slighted because my husband didn't complement me on the clean house (when I've managed to get it there!!) the minute he walked through the door? Didn't he NOTICE that all the laundry was folded and put away?

And then, when I settle down, I remind myself that he doesn't get rewarded at work when he gets his reports in on time. Nobody thanks him for doing the work he is SUPPOSED TO DO anyway. Granted, he does get paid, but I think that's beside the point.

The point, for us housewives, is that we aren't doing this for a reward. We do this because its our calling. We do this because it pleases God. We do this because it helps our children feel secure and it teaches them about order and discipline. We don't do it so we can get a Starbucks at the end of the day (my vice... I get one nearly every day, but I usually don't think of it as a reward... more like liquid energy).

A manicure... a day off... chocolate covered almonds... do we really raise up our children and keep our homes so we can get those things? Do we really want to walk around with the attitude that we are entitled to the self-pampering because we work hard?

Every Time

There's a weird, providential phenomenon that happens in my life every so often- usually, when I've hit time of spiritual dryness, where I'm ready to throw the book at my faith and walk away. Without fail, every time, the Lord uses a particular family to bring me back to Him. Its really strange, actually.

This morning, while cleaning my stove, I listened to this little talk done by one of the members of this family:

http://grow.hope.edu/gathering/files/2009_4_15/2009_4_15.mp3

Could this spiritual giant, this amazing woman of God, be bored in church? Does she have times where she struggles in faith, where she feels as though she has failed in her pursuit of Christ?

My friend who is speaking is one of my mentors- her mom is the other- and she doesn't even know it. As she and her family live in Scotland, its not like I ever get the chance to see her... it may be that I never see her again... but I can't wait to embrace her in heaven and say thank you for all the ways you have touched my life and for being open to God's leading in ministry to others.

The Elders are Coming! Crap!

We have our elder visit tonight, so I'm posting my to-do list for the day. I'm lucky that I feel super-motivated today. I might actually get more done then I have in WEEKS!

1. Fly Lady Crisis Cleaning (all steps) - DONE!

2. Clean stove top

3. Clean all appliances

4. Clean all mirrors, computer, and TV screens

5. Dust house

6. Keeping the Home's Emergency Quick Clean process

7. Wipe down all tables,c ounters and surfaces throughout the house

8. Clean all sinks

9. Clean bathtub (which will basically consist of putting all the bath toys out of the bathtub and closing the shower curtain so no one can see how yicky the bathtub is... can't handle this one today)

10. Clean toilet

11. Sweep/Mop Kitchen Floor, bathroom floor

12. Vacuum bedrooms

13. Vacuum living room

14. Put out candles in bathroom

15. Make beds

16. Put away laundry

And if I have time:

1. Clean cabinets in kitchen

2. Declutter top of pantries

3. Go through boxes of crap, 15 minutes at a time (this is all the stuff collected from the Fly Lady Crisis Cleaning so that we can clean the rest of the surfaces)

Impressions

I'm trying to think of a way to start this blog post out with a clever intro or a cute story.

It just won't do.

I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated and disgusted.

Against my own better judgment, I visited a blog today where I had no business being if I wanted to keep peace in my own soul. I knew better, but I couldn't stay away. I read most of the comments under a few blog posts and I straight up could not believe what I was reading.

A woman had commented looking for encouragement and advice in a somewhat desperate and ongoing situation. What she received by in return by a number of commentors, certainly not all, was at best, unhelpful and condemning- at worst, hurtful and heavy-handed. She mentioned that had difficulty with some aspects of Vision Forum-style patriarchy and was given "I don't believe what 'they' teach- I just believe the Bible" in return.

How nice for you. Would that it be clear for the rest of us who actually wrestle with these ideas!

I came away from that discussion so sad and quite angry. A common thread I find in blogs that espouse patriocentricity is an attitude of superiority. Because they have the true knowledge of what "God's Way" is, they seem to think they can speak however they wish to people and no one can answer back or question it. There is very little grace extended to anyone who disagrees, even in the slightest respect. Frankly, its snooty. I don't know what else to call it.

I have news for you folks- there are complementarians and egalitarian feminists who believe the Bible to be the sole, infallible rule of faith and practice for the Christian. They hold Scripture in the highest regard. And they disagree with what you think it says.

But that doesn't seem to compute with so many patriocentrists. Instead of actually interacting with ideas, they shut down the conversation with labels and easy answers like "you're just indoctrinated by feminism" or "these 'Christians' say they believe the Bible, but we all know the truth." Can we say "straw man"?

When you start a conversation with something like "I don't believe what 'they' teach, I just believe the Bible," you take away all chances for discussion. You are certainly implying that those who disagree with you disagree with God's Holy Word and that is often not the case.

These blogs exist to supposedly encourage wives and mothers, but they spend so much time (at least in the comments) shooting others down. In actuality, I think they exist to encourage wives and mothers who think like they do. And if you dare disagree, you're labeled as a "Christian".

These are my impressions. I could be dead wrong... but doesn't it behoove these people to take an honest look at they way they come across when people challenge them? Its not the teaching that bothers me as much as the attitude behind it. There's such an attitude of superiority- it reeks through each and every word. And instead of actually considering what the dissenter is saying, these bloggers label or condemn or make new accusations. Its really disheartening.

I'm guilty of this too- not so much the superiority complex, but of not considering that an actual person is writing these comments. A person with a heart and a soul and feelings... May God help me in this area. I know that many anti-patrio blogs are guilty of the same kind of rudeness I see on pro-patrio blogs, but the attitude behind the rudeness seems to be different.

We don't all have a monopoly on the truth. Instead of being an encouragement today, the blog I visited ruined my day because of the owner's treatment of several commentors. Its such a shame. She may have many valuable things to say. She may be the nicest person I'll ever meet, but I'll never have the chance to know that because her attitude put me off so much that I never want to go back. Ever.

My impressions are not always right... my experience with Stacy McDonald has proven that to me... but how am I ever going to be proven wrong when the guns come out blazing every time there's a disagreement?

Remember that old saying "What you are speaks so loudly, I can't hear what you say?" or in the case of blogging "What you SAY speaks so loudly, I can't see who you are"...

Perhaps we should all take that to heart.

My Husband Rocks!!

My husband rocks because he lets me nap. This guy gets up at 4:00 am five days a week and gets home at 5:00 pm from his job. If I've had a particularly rough day and need some time for a nap in the afternoon, he occupies the kids and lets me get some sleep. If I'm up in the night with the kids, he'll get up with them in the morning on the weekends and let me sleep in. Those little pockets of extra sleep make such a big difference in my overall attitude and ability to handle the day's challenges. That extra measure of grace from my husband endears him all the more to me.

Thank you, Mark!

Moving Right Along...

I hope to get back to blogging full force ASAP. Not that anyone reads my blog except Anne... but I do intend to get back to it. We'll see what happens.