Recovering Pessimist

Blessed Feast of the Nativity!

2011-12-25T08:27:00.000-08:00

Christ is Born! Glorify Him!

"And Mary treasured all these things and pondered them in her heart"

Luke 2:9

The Christ Child's Lullaby

My love, my pride, my treasure oh
My wonder new and pleasure oh
My son, my beauty, ever You
Who am I to bear You here?

The cause of talk and tale am I

The cause of greatest fame am I

The cause of proudest care on high

To have for mine, the King of all.

And though You are the King of all

They sent You to the manger stall

Where at Your feet they all shall fall

And glorify my child, the King.

There shone a star above three kings
To guide them to the King of kings
They held You in their humble arms
And knelt before You until dawn.

They gave You myrrh and gave You gold

Frankincense and gifts untold

They traveled far these gifts to bring

And glorify their new born King.

And in the Gaelic:

Death and Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T08:12:00.000-08:00

"Jesus wept." The shortest sentence in the Bible shows Jesus demonstrating some very human emotions as he wept before the tomb of His friend, Lazarus. He wept because His friend was dead. He wept because of the pain and grief felt by Lazarus' sisters and friends. He wept because the wages of sin is death.

He wept, even though He knew that in just a moment, He would raise Lazarus from the dead, proclaiming His mighty power over death.

The death of friends and loved ones affects us all, even our Lord. This morning, I awoke to the news that my friend Holly had passed away last night after a nearly two year battle with ALS. There are so many things I could say about Holly, but mostly, when I think of her, I remember her kindness and her unbelievable ability to see the best in people. Being the recovering pessimist that I am, this was always good to see. She had a passion for sharing the Gospel with people, but she also had a passion for people. She LOVED people. She loved them with her words, with her deeds, with her beautiful singing voice. She was an Optimist of the First Degree.

And this morning, she is wrapped in the arms of the Lord. She is where she most wanted to be in this life: with God. She has been made perfect.

I rejoice in this!

But I weep as well. I weep because of sin. I weep for her loved ones, her husband and young daughter who have to navigate the rest of this life without her. I weep, even though I KNOW that Holly is alive with Christ. I know that I can ask for her prayers and that she prays even more perfectly now than she did in this life. I know that she has joined that Great Cloud of Witnesses.

I *hope* that I weep for the same reasons that Jesus wept.

I think that was never more human and yet more divine than when He wept before the tomb of Lazarus. He felt such human emotions for divine reasons. May it be like that for all of us!

Orthodox Christians all over the world sing the great Paschal proclamation year after year: "Christ is Risen from the dead, trampling down death by death, and upon those in the tombs, bestowing Life." The icon of the Resurrection depicts the shattered tombs of the departed under the feet of Jesus. He stands upon them holding Adam and Eve firmly in His grasp, Satan bound and defeated in the darkness.

On this Thanksgiving holiday, I'm going to try and keep this image in my mind. It would be easy to continue to weep at Holly's tomb, but I will try to remember this victorious icon and how this is now REALITY for my friend.

A blessed Thanksgiving to all and may Holly's memory be eternal!

Halloween

2011-10-29T17:17:00.000-07:00

"As an Orthodox Christian, I do not want to come out as a proponent of Halloween since it is not an Orthodox feast I feel the need to defend. The reason I am trying to bring some awareness of the truth about Halloween is because as an Orthodox Christian I believe it is my duty to speak the truth and expose error in a spirit of love and concern, especially when other Orthodox are spreading these lies out of ignorance. Halloween is a part of our society and especially of our children's lives, and an answer from an Orthodox Christian perspective is needed. It does not help our Christian witness in the world to distort information to make our message sound better. In fact, it does just the opposite and I believe those capable of discovering the truth will be judged for disseminating lies which are unfounded. We have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power and truth to be above propagating errors. It is the proclamation of the truth which brings freedom and respect, and a pure heart which makes all things pure."

~John Sandinopoulos, Mystagogy, Halloween: Separating Fact From Fiction, emphasis mine

So... every single year, the Christian blogosphere comes alive again with blog posts about how Christians shouldn't participate in Halloween because it is "pagan" or because it "celebrates a culture of death".

I confess- this drives me crazy.

Personally, I'm wary of using the genetic fallacy to argue anything...

Normally, I pretty much keep quiet and go on my merry way. Occasionally, I link to awesome articles on Halloween, written by Christians I admire and respect that address some of the issues that the community has with this totally secular, market-driven, non-holiday.

This year, I decided to educate myself a little more by asking some questions of my BFF- a former-Christian-turned-Pagan.

The purpose of this interview is to share information. I am not, in any way, promoting paganism. Obviously, as an Orthodox Christian, I would take issue with that worldview and religious practice, but I still believe in the freedom of all to follow their conscience. My purpose is pretty much summed up in the quote at the top of this blog. Please, please read this post in the spirit of which I intend it.

Some of the links I provide below confirm what Anne says in this interview, so if you're in doubt, check out the links.

And now, the interview:

Genevieve: Do pagans celebrate Halloween?
Anne: No. Pagans celebrate a number of Holidays, depending on what their tradition is. I'm a Celtic Wiccan, and I celebrate Samhain (pronounced Sow-an). Halloween is indeed a version of All Hallows Eve, which was a Christian holiday. Children would go door to door begging for cakes in exchange for prayers. Not very Pagan.

Okay, then what do pagans celebrate on this day?
For my tradition, this is the third Harvest Festival. It is when our ancestors would have slaughtered animals to be prepared for the Winter. It's also when we mark the change of Seasons. We see life as a series of cycles. Winter is the death cycle. Not only is the earth resting, but in the olden days, it was likely that people would die, too. It was cold and people needed to survive. Today we still thank the Gods for the gifts of the harvest, acknowledge that the earth is going into it's rest or death phase and ask for the protection of the Gods through the Winter.

How old is this festival?
Samhain is mentioned in Irish literature from the 10th Century. But it was a Druidic practice that is likely much much older. Considering that most Pagan religions have holidays which are based quite a bit on the Earth and it's changes, I think it's likely that such festivals have gone on as long as people knew to be thankful, and scared.

What are some of the activities that you and other pagans will be engaging in on this day?
My family and I will be having a celebration. This is an example of something we might do:
http://www.wicca.com/celtic/akasha/samhainrit.htm

(Genevieve's Note: If you click on the link, please be aware that the "Dark Mother" and "Dark Father" are symbols for actual darkness, not Satan or demons or anything of the sort.)

Do these rituals have anything to do with Satan or Satanism?
Absolutely not! When Christians look at the world, they see the many gifts given by God, inherent in everything. We see that too. We just see the Powers that give it a bit differently. We believe that everything that was given by the Gods has the mark of the divine upon it, and thus should be treated with respect. We strive to bring ourselves into harmony with the earth in order to bring ourselves closer to Deity.

Are there any similarities between Samhain and the American cultural day called Halloween?
Not really. The only reason they're connected is because they occur close together, and because the idea of the Witch is something that was taken by the Church many many years ago, and changed into something scary. There are so many reasons for that, and they're all basically political. That scary witch idea became associated with Halloween over time, and so people think that real Witches celebrate it. We don't. At least not as a religious holiday.

Where does "trick or treat" come from? Is that pagan?
Nope. Again, Christian. Like I said earlier, Christian children would go door to door begging cakes in exchange for prayers. Demonic, isn't it?

As a pagan, are you troubled by some of the images that society has imposed on your religion? The nasty green witch? The bubbling cauldron? Blood and guts everywhere? This IS a pagan holiday afterall, even if what we think of as Halloween doesn't look much or anything like Samhain. Do you feel that society has hijacked this day and turned it into something commercial and ridiculous?
Halloween doesn't bother me. But I did see a Satan costume accessory pack which included a pentacle and that kind of annoyed me. The pentacle is a symbol of peace often worn and used by Pagans, and has nothing to do with the devil. The image of the witch has been hijacked over time, and that does bother me. At the same time many witches love to sort of take it back. Our sisters from the past were usually either not witches at all, but Christian women who were too knowledgeable for their own good, or they were women who tried to preserve the old traditions and knowledge, and were tortured and murdered for their beliefs. There's a certain power in taking back those ideas.

Why do you think Christians fear Halloween so much?
I think most people don't know the History and/or don't understand it. It's so much easier to fear than to learn.

What would you like to say to any Christians reading this blog who might have an issue with their children participating in some Halloween activities because these activities as having pagan origins?
I would tell them that the origins of Halloween are Christian, not Pagan. But that there's a bigger picture here. Whether one is Pagan or Christian, surely you can see the handiwork of God in the changing seasons. You can use any time to thank him for the gifts of the harvest, and want protection for the coming Winter. There are a limited number of symbols in the world. The symbol matters less than what it symbolizes. So, participating in Halloween won't make your child Pagan anymore than visiting a Cathedral would make me a Christian

Thanks Anne!

Ultimately, I think it is up to each Christian family to determine what they are going to do on this day. Personally, we will be celebrating my birthday and going trick-or-treating. We don't decorate our homes with ghoulish decorations but we don't hand out Bible tracts either. So I guess you would say we are middle of the road. As you can see from Anne's interview, there isn't really anything done by your average kid on Halloween that is part of a pagan religious practice.

A few more thought-provoking blogs on Halloween:

Halloween- An Orthodox Approach

The Truth About Halloween

Mystagogy's Halloween Resources Page

The Tricky Topic of Halloween

What About Halloween?

Forgive me, a sinner.

The Crazy

2011-10-29T16:46:00.000-07:00

So... if you've read this blog for any length of time, you'll probably have surmised that I'm crazy. I suffer from clinical depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder. There are days when I feel great and days when I don't really want to get out of bed. Sometimes, stressful situations bring out the best in me. Sometimes, even the smallest mistake can send me into a frenzy.

I spend most days feeling perfectly normal, as though I've conquered the illness. I start thinking maybe the sadness and anxiety are behind me. After all, I'm not checking the local news stations to see if I've hit anyone while driving without realizing it and driving away. I'm not constantly looking up heart attack symptoms on the internet to see whether or not my chest pains are going to kill me. I trust the memory I have of closing the garage door and I don't worry about whether or not I'm going to come home and find my house vandalized.

So, the crazy must be behind me, right?

I've found in recent months that I still obsess about something pretty much all the time. Sometimes the obsessions can be positive. For example, I recently started reading a series of books that are incredibly awesome and for a while, that was all I could think about. For a few weeks, I read any spare moment I could to the neglect of housework and the abandonment of children to the cartoon. I visited an art museum, saw 18th century art and thought about the clothes my characters were wearing. I talked to friends. I posted about it on Facebook.

And THAT, is a manifestation of obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I have my other worries- the ones that constantly plague me. They never go away. They are always with me- the thoughts sound out over and over and over again. I want to lay them aside. I want to pray them away. I know its possible.

But to tell you the truth, I am weary of myself. I'm tired of being crazy.

Book Review: The Queen and the Cats

2011-09-16T08:17:00.000-07:00

I am so excited to review this beautiful new children's book, The Queen and the Cats: A Story of St. Helena, written by Calee Lee and illustrated by Turbo Qualls.

The Queen and the Cats tells a little known, but very true story of how St. Helena brought a piece of the True Cross to Cyprus. At that time, all the churches and monasteries had been infested by snakes and people could not worship in those places. St. Helena famously sent a boat full of cats back to Cyprus and the cats took care of the problem.

That's the adult version of the story.

This book, however, is told through the eyes of a little girl, watching all the excitement unfold. The story isn't watered down at all. The illustrations are beautiful and vibrant. Children's books so often flourish in one area or the other: either the story is watered down, but the book has great pictures, or its the other way around. The Queen and the Cats is a wonderful blend of both.

In the back of the book, there is a small biography of St. Helena, along with the Troparion of her Feast day and a photograph of the True Cross which St. Helena left on Cyprus centuries ago. I really appreciated this little addendum, especially as a homeschooling mom, because I can read this story, which almost seems so outrageous that its almost unreal, and the turn around and explain to my children that this is a TRUE story and that God worked a miracle through St. Helena's ingenuity and her love of the people of Cyprus.

Run, don't walk, to get this book off of Amazon or Barnes and Noble. It is the first in what will hopefully be a long line of affordable Orthodox children's books published by Xist Publishing. It is available for $4.99 on Kindle and $11.99 for a soft cover copy.

Who Is Jesus?

2011-08-19T13:42:00.000-07:00

I was reminded about a poem written by Mother Teresa which has both convicted my heart and brought me much comfort:

Who Is Jesus to Me?

Jesus is the Word made Flesh.

Jesus is the Bread of Life.

Jesus is the Victim offered for our sins on the Cross.

Jesus is the Sacrifice offered at the Holy Mass

For the sins of the world and mine.

Jesus is the Word- to be spoken.

Jesus is the Truth- to be told.

Jesus is the Way- to be walked.

Jesus is the Light- to be lit.

Jesus is the Life- to be lived.

Jesus is the love- to be loved.

Jesus is the Joy- to be shared.

Jesus is the Sacrifice- to be offered.

Jesus is the Peace- to be given.

Jesus is the Bread of Life- to be eaten

Jesus is the Hungry- to be fed.

Jesus is the Thirsty- to be satiated.

Jesus is the Naked- to be clothed.

Jesus is the Homeless- to be taken in.

Jesus is the Sick- to be healed.

Jesus is the Lonely- to be loved.

Jesus is the Unwanted- to be wanted.

Jesus is the Leper- to wash his wounds.

Jesus is the Beggar- to give him a smile.

Jesus is the Drunkard- to listen to him.

Jesus is the Retarded- to protect him.

Jesus is the Little One- to embrace him.

Jesus is the Blind- to lead him.

Jesus is the Dumb- to speak for him.

Jesus is the Crippled- to walk with him.

Jesus is the Drug Addict- to befriend him.

Jesus is the Prostitute- to remove from danger and befriend.

Jesus is the Prisoner- to be visited.

Jesus is the Old- to be served.

To me-

Jesus is my God.

Jesus is my Spouse.

Jesus is my Life.

Jesus is my only Love.

Jesus is my All in All.

Jesus is my Everything.

Jesus, I love with my whole heart, with my whole being. I have given Him all, even my sins, and He has espoused me to Himself in tenderness and love. Now and for life, I am the spouse of my Crucified spouse.

Amen.

This poem personifies what it means to be a Christian. We must see the face of Jesus in EVERYONE, even our worst enemy, even the person that society has written off. And we must humble ourselves and serve those people.

Because He IS "the least of these..."

Υπεραγία Θεοτόκε σώσον ημάς!

2011-08-12T22:25:00.000-07:00

O You Apostles from far off,

Being gathered together in the village of Gethsemane

Lay my body in burial

And You, my Son, and my God,

Receive now my spirit from me.

You are the sweetness of Angels

The gladness of the afflicted ones

A protection of all Christians

O Virgin Mother of our Lord;

Grant now me help and save me

From eternal torments

I have you as Mediator

Before God who loves mankind;

May He not question my action

Before the hosts of the Angels

I ask of you, O Virgin,

Hasten now quickly to my aid.

You are a tower adorned with gold

A city surrounded by twelve walls

A shining throne touched by the sun

A royal seat for the King

O unexplainable wonder,

How do you nurse the Master?

What a blessed night of prayer! I've tried to put my thoughts and feelings into words. They are totally inadequate.

Υπεραγία Θεοτόκε σώσον ημάς!

Most Holy Theotokos, save us!

What to Do with Outrage

2011-08-02T23:11:00.000-07:00

I've spent a fair part of the day investigating the cult my friend seems to have joined.

Its bad... Its really really bad.

I am angry. I am outraged by what these people teach, their antisemitism, and by the way some of them have used our Holy Icons to substantiate their perverted, heretical, shameful teachings. I know I am using strong language here and I can't get into specifics with it. Suffice it to say that I do not use those words lightly.

Rather than argue with anyone, I will turn inward and upward for strength and stability. I will dive into the Holy Scriptures with gusto. I will keep every appointment to pray that I possibly can. I will fill my mind and heart with the sounds and teachings of the Holy Orthodox Church. I will take an extra moment to gaze through our icons, reaching past them to the person whom they represent, begging their prayers... because, if I'm honest with myself, I hate these teachings and I am angry at those who promote it. I do not love them. And yet, I am reminded of St. Maximos the Confessor who said:

“Be as eager as you can to love every man, but if you cannot do this, at least do not hate anyone [which] you cannot do unless you scorn the things of this world”

I'm not sure I can love these people. I'm not sure I want to. Not even the cool Christian "Jesus loves everyone" kind of love... cuz believe it or not, I'm not sure I like the fact that Jesus loved Hitler and Stalin, who between them, killed more than 16,000,000 people in the 20th Century. I don't understand that, but that doesn't mean it isn't true. After all, He is God and He is, in many ways, beyond understanding.

And so, I will ask for God's mercy to fall upon me and upon us all, for we are so in need.

A Greater Weapon

2011-08-01T22:59:00.000-07:00

Tonight I have witnessed what I believe to be the natural outworking of sola scriptura... I stumbled on the blog of a friend who has been lost to me for quite a while. I'm not going into the story here... suffice it to say that I think she is the victim of one of the unintended consequences of using "the Bible alone" to prove her own beliefs.

If the Bible alone is sufficient to tell us everything God wants us to know about Him and how we are to worship Him, and there is no litmus test, no external Authority, nothing against which to weigh any teaching except the Bible itself, then honestly, how can we prove or disprove anything? It ultimately comes down to my understand against yours or Luther's against the Pope's or St. Athanasios against the world.

How do I say to my friend, "You are being deceived. Yes, I can show you from Scripture... and then you can show me your Scripture and then I'll show you mine and then you'll show me yours and then we'll agree to disagree just so we can stay friends but the fact of the matter is that only one or none of us is right!"

I know I said it above but I can't get into the story here except to say that someone I know has fallen prey to a cult of Christianity and if I were to try and talk with this person about it, the discussion would sound a lot like what I wrote above.

Thankfully, and most mercifully, I have a greater weapon against deception than my own words.

I can pray.

And I will pray. Won't you join me?

I Am Amazed

2011-07-11T16:08:00.000-07:00

I am amazed that I ate one slice of artisinal sourdough bread today and I am completely burpy and uncomfortable. ONE PIECE OF BREAD!

Now, I could look on this as a bad thing, of course.. I ate the carbs in the form of grains and now I am paying the price... BAD ME!

BUT...

I'm choosing the high road and forming the memory of just how bad I feel when I eat bread.

And yet... I am planning to make Grilled Sourdough Pizza on Wednesday... Hope that new memory forms before then...

Commitments

2011-07-05T22:29:00.000-07:00

This day has been... interesting. It started out with so much promise. I started writing about the little changes that could mean big things for health in our family. We joined a CSA. We'll be consuming at least half of our dairy and meat from organic, grass-fed sources. I'm still giving up grains, but my kids and my husband will only be eating "properly prepared" grains. I'm committing to building a fabulous backyard organic vegetable garden. I'm giving up my fear of "fasting" (eating vegan- hey, eating that way for 17 years actually gave me fatty liver disease and pre-diabetes so I think the fear is just a little bit warranted...) and trusting the Church on this one. I'm going to try not to eat grains or beans (and DEFINITELY NO SOY!) on Wednesdays and Fridays but I need to do it. Its good for the soul.

And then, Casey Anthony was declared not guilty by some dim-wits in Florida... Oh yes, the wonderful, paradise of Florida where every perfect gift from above is given. Unless that gift means justice for a murdered little girl. But hey, I live in California where we freed OJ Simpson and Robert Blake AND convicted Scott Peterson on less physical and circumstantial evidence then they had on Casey, so I can't say we're any better.

So, that kind of sucked.

But you know what? Hearing this verdict today made me want to spend MORE time with my children, to play games with them, to really listen to them, to read to them "just one more story" and sing just one more bedtime song. No time spent with my children is EVER wasted. They are the loves of my life. And I want to spend the rest of my life letting them know that. My greatest commitment is to my family. Honoring them, loving them, caring for them- these are my callings.

And I welcome them.

Educating the WholeHearted Child Giveaway!!!

2011-06-28T13:55:00.000-07:00

I've been waiting for months for the new edition of this book to come out. We can't afford to pick it up yet, but I'm putting a few eggs into this basket over at Sally Clarkson's blog just to see if I can be blessed with a freebie. Check out this contest!!

Fathead: the Movie

2011-06-22T16:25:00.000-07:00

This documentary is informative and humorous... Tom Noughton really challenges the conventional wisdom of the health and fitness Establishment. Now, I'm not an advocate of fast food. At. All. But I still like the underlying premise of this movie: we've been fed a load of bologna about what makes us fat.

Covering

2011-06-17T14:02:00.000-07:00

I read a beautiful post today about one woman's journey with covering that began even before she was a Christian. I really love it. Enjoy!

Headcovering: Why I Hate It. Why I Love It.

Book Review: Everyday Paleo

2011-06-16T18:07:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure when I was first introduced to the concept of Paleo eating... probably back when I was veggie and though there's no way I could ever eat a diet based on animal proteins and vegetables. When I started eating meat again, I started researching a little bit here and there. I stumbled on Sarah Fragoso's blog "Everyday Paleo". Sarah seemed approachable to me. She wasn't (and isn't) a paleo-proselytizer. She takes a very "this is what works for my family, but you do what works for yours" approach and I really appreciated that.

Being a former member of the vegetarian police, I totally understand how easy it is to get on the soapbox and start shouting from the rooftops that YOUR position has all the science behind it... not to mention, the enzymes!

I started trying Sarah's recipes, one at a time. Eventually, I found myself building my menus around her blog. I decided it was time to pick up her new book, Everyday Paleo. I've cooked out of it every day since.

What I LIKE:

1. The recipes are delicious! They are made with whole ingredients and not too many. The food is very flavorful and I never EVER feel guilty about putting her food in front of my husband and children. Some favorites include:

Egg Cupcakes- I. HATE. EGGS. I hate them. A lot. Have I mentioned that I hate eggs? But I eat these and I LOVE THEM!!! Okay?? I cannot stress enough what a huge deal getting me to eat eggs actually is. This recipe gives eggs the foot in my door.
Albondigas Soup
Steak skewers
Paleo Tacos with Kids Love Cabbage Slaw
Bean-less Chili
Slow-cooker spice rubbed chicken
Paleo Pizza

2. So the recipes are amazing, but how much time do they take to prepare? Almost NO TIME AT ALL!! Seriously! Sarah is a busy mom of three boys- she's not going to spend hours in the kitchen every night. Her recipes can be made in a flash. I can't think of one that takes more than 30 minutes from knife to table.

3. Sarah is a trainer with one of the top gyms in America- NorCal Strength and Conditioning so she knows her stuff. The fitness section in the book is fantastic. She includes beginner to advanced workouts, describes how to do each movement and includes a picture for each step. You don't need any fancy equipment and all of the beginner exercises can be done at home. The fitness section actually motivated me to exercise. That's a huge feat! The routines don't take very long to complete either, but they are very effective.

4. Her discussion on raising paleo kids is very helpful. She gives boxed lunch ideas as well as ways to get your kids to embrace this food. What kid doesn't love meat? For my family, its the veggies that are the most difficult. But slowly but surely, my kids are eating them, and that is a miracle.

5. The 30 Day Meal Plan is helpful as well. She gives breakfast, lunch and dinner plans along with SNACKS. She also includes a shopping list. Now, whether or not you'll actually need 4 dozen eggs for the first 5 days is debatable, but the meal plan isn't just for you as an individual- its for the whole family. I've tweaked the meal plan and am not following it meal for meal... but its a great place to start.

6. There are some "transitional" paleo recipes in there for pancakes and cookies- those foods aren't really "paleo" but I think they are a good middle ground for people looking to have their cake and eat it too. Sarah never encourages eating these foods on a regular basis, but I still like that she includes them for those of us still making the change.

What I DIDN'T Like:

1. I think the index could be better. I don't like that I can't search for a recipe by name. The index is basically divided up by ingredient and then page number. So if you know what you're looking for, it takes less time to browse the section where you think the recipe might be then go through the index.

2. There are some typos and some repeated numbers in the index. Its a first edition. No biggie.

Finding Paleo has changed the way I look at preparing meals. What's the meat, what will the veg be and what kind of dressing will I make for the salad. It really is such a simple way to think about food. I eat TONS more veg now than I did when I was a vegetarian. I am so grateful to Sarah for her approachable attitude and the great information she's put together in Everyday Paleo.

Do you need to be a Paleo eater in order to appreciate this book? HECK NO!! I think everyone would benefit from the information in this book, but even if eating paleo doesn't interest you, the recipes are great and take no time at all to prepare. That fact alone is incentive enough to pick this book up yesterday!!

Goddess Chicken

2011-06-15T19:04:00.000-07:00

Okay okay okay... its Chicken Diane. I got this recipe from a friend, but we all LOVED it, so I thought I'd put it down here. I've changed the name cuz I love it that much AND I added a few special touches of my own.

Goddess Chicken: AKA Chicken Diane

MMmom (from Ms. enPlace)

4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts (about 1 pound), pounded flat or cut into strips
¼ tsp salt
¼ tsp black pepper
2 T butter
2 T olive oil
2 t Dijon mustard
4 T onion, minced
2 T butter
2 T lemon juice
1 T Worcestershire sauce
¼ c chicken stock or broth
2 T chopped fresh chives or green onion
2 T Brandy

1 T cream
2 T minced fresh parsley (optional garnish)

Pound the chicken breasts or cut into strips to allow for faster cooking. Season chicken with salt and pepper.

Heat 2 T butter and 2 T olive oil in a heavy skillet. Add mustard and onion. Sauté over medium heat for a few minutes. Add chicken and cook until done, turning as needed. When chicken is cooked completely, remove to a plate and keep warm.

Add 2 T butter, lemon juice, Worcestershire sauce, chicken stock, and chives or green onion to pan drippings. Cook for a few minutes. Add brandy and cream. Bring the sauce just to a boil for a couple of minutes. Drizzle sauce over chicken, sprinkle parsley on top (optional), and serve.

Original Recipe found here:

http://msenplace.blogspot.com/2009/01/feelin-fancy.html

Its Summer and I Want to Kill My TV

2011-06-13T12:23:00.000-07:00

Its summer. Well, not technically... but our last day of homeschool was this past Friday. I'm still putting stuff away from the move, although, I am obsessed with the idea of getting it all done by this Friday. I'm obsessed for one reason: my children have been parked in front of the TV or the computer for weeks now. Not all day. Not every day. But way too much for my taste.

Before we moved, we had this great system- chores first, then a little time on the computer. School lessons. Playtime. Lunch. Afternoon chores. Computer or TV while I made dinner or put the house back together before my husband came home.

But as we started packing the old house and unpacking the new one, those routines, of course, went out the window. I've tried to keep the kids distracted and out of the way so I could be massively productive.

Have I been massively productive?

That would be no.

I haven't felt well- my daily afternoon headache seems to appear around noon. I have energy in the morning but then late morning, early afternoon, I feel yucky and don't do anything but waste time. When I get my second wind, its time to make dinner.

Lame.

So I'm forcing myself to be massively productive today. I don't care how I feel. I don't care whether or not I have anything good to listen to. I'm going to push through the physical annoyances and move quickly through my home putting away everything possible.

Cuz if I don't get this done by Friday, I'm going to kill my TV and throw away every computer game we own.

Maybe I should just do this anyway...

Thankfully, my kids do play outside a lot or in their new rooms, so their days aren't completely governed by the endless distraction. I hate it and I'm ashamed to have allowed it. I could justify it if I actually got anything done... but I haven't done well in that department.

So, I'm off. I would appreciate any prayers offered on my behalf. I sure need them because this headache is kind of a doozy and I can't find my Excederin Migraine... best medicine in the world!

I'm off!

No really, here I go!

Bye.

Persecution Complex

2011-06-09T23:05:00.000-07:00

I see the word "persecution" thrown around quite a lot on Christian blogs these days. People write something controversial- they are vilified all over the place on the internet- and then they cry persecution.

I confess: This drives me more than a little bonkers. Every day, I read stories of people who faced physical and psychological torture and death, who had body parts ripped off, who faced being torn to shreds by wild animals, who saw their children murdered in front of them- all so they would deny the Truth Faith and renounce Jesus Christ. I thought I'd put up a few short stories of some great women who suffered and died because they were Christians and because they refused to back down. Hopefully, learning about a bit about their stories will offer a little perspective to this new "persecuted" crop of Christians.

St. Sophia and her daughters Faith, Hope, and Love : St. Sophia witnessed the brutal torture and murder of her daughters because she would not renounce her faith in Christ. Her daughters endured this torture, but also refused to renounce their faith.

Sts. Perpetua and Felicity : Both these mothers were brought into the Roman arena to be dismembered by wild animals. When that attempt failed, they were both impaled by the sword.

St. Paraskevi : She was imprisoned, tortured (including being boiled in oil) and STILL managed to forgive and even heal her captors.

St. Christina, the Great Martyr of Tyre : St. Christina had her breasts and tongue cut off before being impaled.

St. Maria Skobstova : She hid Jews during WWII in Paris. St. Maria was finally arrested and sent to a concentration camp where she volunteered to take the place of a Jew in the gas chamber.

St. Julitta : Hid with her son from those who were arresting Christians. After finally being arrested, she was tortured in front of her son. Her son cried out for her but would not be persuaded to renounce Christ. He was murdered in front of her and she was beheaded.

St. Katherine : Faced torture over an iron wheel before being executed. Hers is one of the most extraordinary stories I've ever encountered and goes so beyond the one line I've recorded here.

St. Markella : Secretly became a Christian and spent years nursing her sick father. He recovered and somehow developed a sexual interest in his daughter. Eventually, he tried to rape her. She fled and became greatly injured while trying to escape him. He caught up with her and dismembered her limb by limb.

For these people, facing persecution was a way of life. They lived with the constant threat of imprisonment, torture and death hanging over their heads. I've listed people here who were martyred for their faith, but there have been millions of others who have lived with no right to safely practice their faith, who lived in constant fear of being discovered. I think about the Romanian Christians sent to Pitesti to undergo "re-education", which mean enduring months and years of psychological and physical torture all because they would not forsake their faith. Let's not even mention the tens of millions of Christians who were killed under Communism! Forget about what it was like for Christians to live under Muslim rule in Turkey for hundreds of years...

Believe it or not, keeping a blog on the internet, participating on Facebook, interacting with people on message boards and comment threads- all of that is voluntary. If we put ourselves out there by writing controversial stuff, Christian or not, we should expect disagreement- we should expect to be vilified. That comes with the territory. But if we write about that stuff, we also need to have a mighty thick skin and a little more perspective on what it actually means to be persecuted.

We become stronger when we remember their lives and the stand they took for the Faith because we can see how small our lives and our problems are compared to what they faced. We draw strength from them- if they could faith torture and death without renouncing Christ, certainly we can endure an internet smack-down.

Gossip, snark boards, nasty emails, even baseless threats- can those really be called persecution? Really? I'm inclined to say "no."

Movin' On Up

2011-06-08T22:04:00.000-07:00

So, over this past weekend, we moved from our cute little one bedroom + den house to a three bedroom + bonus room house. I've pretty much been MIA for a week now.

I have some thoughts but they are all in a jumble right now. I have ADD, so the kind of change that moving house brings makes the adjustment more difficult.

Don't get me wrong- I LOVE the new house. This is by far the nice place I've ever lived since getting married 11 years ago. And I've moved 10 times within that time. There is something so fundamentally awesome about having enough room to put your crap so that an uncluttered house might just be possible. Some people might find putting their stuff away to be an invigorating exercise. Sometimes I do... but more often then not, I feel overwhelmed and want to drive up to my Borders and have a latte.

I need to put down roots here, but the only way I can think of to do that is to go shopping... and I don't want to do that. The house is lovely but the area isn't so great. Whatever. I don't really care too much about that as long as we're safe... and we are.

I know I've missed some important stuff over this past week... Tabitha, I'm thinking of you and praying for Karl and your whole family. Mrs. B, congratulations! MuseMama, so glad Children's is gonna be awesome... well, as awesome as it can be.

I promise to re-enter life soon. Just need to finish spinning my cocoon first...

MMMMIIISSSTTTTAAAAKKKKEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-06-02T11:08:00.000-07:00

Where can I get me one of these?

MuseMama, you tried to tell me... Can you please appear behind me whenever I go to do something stupid and sing in my ear?

Loving the Unbeliever: The Page

2011-05-31T12:53:00.000-07:00

There's a "most popular girl in school" contest going at Circle of Moms. Various Mommy-Faith bloggers entered their blogs for the Top 25 Faith blogs contest and readers have the chance to vote once every 24 hours for their favorite blogs.

This all would have remained a quiet little contest had one Christian blogger not pulled herself from the contest in order to protest the presence of pagan blogs. Apparently she didn't have a problem with the Jewish, Muslim, and Roman Catholic presence in the contest- just the pagan. And then, she blogged about it and named a few pagan blogs by name. She didn't want to be in a contest alongside "those women".

And then, she blogged about it. The reaction she received, at least from what I've seen, has not been positive.

This situation got me to thinking about a blog post I wrote a few months ago called "Loving the Unbeliever." The gist of the post goes like this:

All too often, we Christians are characterized by what we stand against. We expect others to hold to our religious and moral standards and when they don't, we gossip about them or we boycott their businesses or introduce legislation to trample their rights. THAT IS NOT CHRISTIANITY. That is not Jesus Christ....

I know of people who are leaving the Faith, in part, because of the way American Christians are living out their lives in battle against those with whom they disagree. They are known by what they stand against rather than what they are for. Again, let me say, those people do not represent Jesus Christ any more then the 9/11 hijackers represent Islam. May the world know that we are Christians by the love we show to one another, even those who appear to be our enemies. Loving people does not mean we have to agree with everything they stand for. But it does mean extending KINDNESS, assistance when needed, mercy, friendship, and a constant recognition of my own faults and not my neighbors'. My sins are great enough!

For what its worth, I think its great that different faiths are represented in this contest. And I don't believe that my thinking this way means that I am in any way compromising the truth of Christianity. People are free to disagree with me and I'm fine with that.

Do me a favor- take a second to read the page up above called "Loving the Unbeliever." I think the message is important and since most of the words don't come from me, I feel pretty confident about sharing them.

Loving the Unbeliever

ETA: The "Most Popular Girl" line above is in reference to that Brady Bunch episode where Jan and Marcia are competing for the title at their high school. Its supposed to be tongue-in-cheek and not meant to mock the contest or anyone involved with it. :-)

The Thousand Mile Journey Begins With One Step...

2011-05-26T20:34:00.000-07:00

I've been all over the planet when it comes to food. I have a love-hate relationship with the stuff. I really hate carbs but I really love fruit. I see my relationship with food as a journey that started many years ago. It began with one step...

One afternoon, when I was 13 years old, I saw this episode of Degrassi Jr. High:

Even though this episode is more about journalistic integrity then it is about animal rights, something struck a chord with me. I wrote letters to PETA and ASPCA asking for information on cruelty to animals and received tons of information in return. Although I didn't wear a lot of makeup at 13 years old, I determined never to wear anything tested on animals... a conviction I still hold to this day.

A few years later, I decided to embrace vegetarianism. I could not imagine killing animals for food. I used to picture it in my head... the slaughterhouses, the hatcheries... I even visited a turkey farm once and I still can't eat turkey to this day. The idea of eating meat was disgusting to me. Flesh, fat, blood... (I'd better stop writing all the nasty stuff now or I'll go back to my veggie ways!).

Being a vegetarian presented a number of challenges throughout the years. I went to Bible school in England for six months when I was 19. The school was actually situated on a farm, so the food mainly consisted of meat at least twice a day. Obviously, I didn't partake of that so oftentimes I was left eating mashed potatoes topped with Taco Bell hot sauce when chili con carne was served or just French fries on Fish 'n Chips Fridays rolled around. I survived on bread and cheese that I used to hang out my bedroom window because it was cold enough outside to keep the cheese from going bad. How I managed to gain weight while at Capernwray I'll never know. Hefty bowls of crumble and custard probably didn't help.

No one else in my family was vegetarian, so I got used to eating sides. My Thanksgiving meal consisted of mashed potatoes, stuffing and creamed corn- my plate colored with yellow, white and brown. The food was and is always delicious. I'd constantly pick pepperoni off of pizzas or try to eat around meat when it was in something I couldn't avoid eating. Heck, I married the son of a butcher! Meat is a big thing in Mark's family. He put up with my inability to cook good meat for a long time.

A few years ago, I started making the shift from vegetarianism into raw veganism. Raw vegans eat only uncooked fruits, vegetables, nuts and seeds. People on this diet look healthy, lean and vibrant. Whether or not they actually are healthy is another story for another time. I tried to incorporate as much raw into my life as possible. I bought all the appliances- a BlendTec, an Exaclibur dehydrator, a juicer... I concocted tons of delicious and some not-so-delicious raw foods and I lost weight. Unfortunately, as many raw vegans find, this lifestyle is difficult to maintain because you are hungry all. the. time. Even when you eat a ton, all you are eating is carbs and if you oxidize carbs like I do, you burn through them like a baby burns through breastmilk- incredibly fast. I initially lost weight on this diet but ended up gaining it back when I started eating cooked again.

Enter veganism. I read T. Colin Campbell's book The China Study and became totally convinced that eschewing dairy as well as meat and eggs from my diet was the way to go. Casein causes liver cancer dontcha know... It seemed like the perfect middle ground between vegetarianism and raw veganism. I started listening to tons of vegan propaganda. I said things like "I don't eat animals or their bodily secretions." I didn't impose my veganism on anyone, but I felt very judgmental toward those who continue to eat animals. I bought the Earth Balance, Garlic Aioli and Grain-based "meats." I tried meat substitutes like soy and seitan. And I ate a lot of rice, pasta, bread and potatoes.

I joined Weight Watchers but their calorie-restricted, low fat approach proved to be a total failure for me. I know it works for others and that is wonderful. But it didn't work for me because calorie-restricted, low-fat diets don't work for some people.
I got fatter and fatter...

How is this possible? I'm a vegan for crying out loud! I am supposed to be one of the healthiest people on the planet and yet I'm ballooning up! I don't drink soda and I don't eat animals or their secretions! Why am I fat? Why does my liver hurt? Why am I pre-diabetic? I have no energy and a headache almost everyday.

Blah blah blah blah blah...

I went to my doctor who diagnosed me with fatty liver disease and told me I needed to try and eat eggs at least and better yet, some meat. She said "Check out Nourishing Traditions" (a book I already owned) and take cod liver oil. You need to eat protein. No, beans do not count because they are so high in carbs. Nuts are good, but if you're trying to lose weight, eating lots of them won't help you.

I thought- okay, I can do a vegetarian version of NT, right? I started soaking my grains and nuts. I made sourdough bread. I started eating yogurt (yuck!). But I didn't lose weight.

Then I found Carrie Thienes, founder of Northwest Holistic Nutrition. We worked together for several months and she helped me so much. Basically, Carrie shot straight with me- I need to eat more protein and fat and way less carbs. I'd carb-loaded my way to obesity.

"Would you consider eating meat?" she asked me.

Oh man! This was what I was afraid of... but at this point, I was feeling so bad that I didn't care. Carrie told me I needed to basically hit a low-carb, Atkins-like diet if I wanted to lose weight and start feeling better. Instinctively, I knew she was right.

"Yes," I answered.

A few weeks later, I visited my brother's restaurant, the Lazy Dog Cafe, to eat my first meat in 17 years. It was difficult, but I ate what I ordered and I haven't looked back. Sure, there's been a large gross-out factor to overcome, but that's dissipating every day.

What happened to my vegetarian convictions, you ask? Well. honestly, when I realized that my vegetarian diet was making me sick, I decided to put myself before the animals. There are ways to be a responsible animal consumer- eating grassfed organic meat, drinking raw milk, buying pastured, free range eggs... Supporting small, local farms encourages the adoption of more sustainable farming practices. When there is a greater demand for organic, grass-fed meats and raw milk, suppliers will have to change their ways to meet the demand.

There's a lot of bad information floating around out the health and environmental benefits of vegetarianism. The results of The China Study have been called into question by folks who have analyzed the raw data and have come to significantly different conclusions than Dr. Campbell. In fact, many prominent vegans and raw vegans have returned to meat or dairy consumption around the same time I did.

So where am I today? Well, I'm about to take a new step in my "thousand mile journey." I've discovered paleo...

Paleo? What the heck is paleo?

Very simple, people who follow a paleo diet consume meat, veggies, fruits, and some healthy fats like coconut, nuts, avocado and olive oil. They do not consume grains or legumes of any kind, processed food, sugar (natural or otherwise) or dairy (the exception being butter or ghee). It seems restrictive, but I don't think so. The basic idea is this: At every meal, eat protein, tons of veggies, and a little healthy fat. If you're trying to lose weight, keep the fruit and nuts to a minimum.

This is a very low-carb diet, similar to Atkins except without the fake sugar and cheese-a-thons. I'm excited to try it. Between now and the Apostles' Fast (when I have to go vegan again, ggrrrrr....), I'm doing the paleo thing. I will follow the Church's fasting rules on Wednesdays and Fridays though, but believe it or now, I can still be mostly paleo if I eat tons of veg any maybe throw a little legumes in there for filler. We'll see how it goes. I'm excited! Everything paleo I've tried over the last week or so has been freaking delicious! A few recipes have included:

Thai-Inspired Stir Fry with Spring Vegetables from the Simple Food for Spring e-book that I mention below
Carnitas from the same e-book paired my own concoctions for Mexican coleslaw and Salsa Fresca
Paleo-Tacos from Sarah Fragoso's blog Everyday Paleo .

So as you can see, I've been around the dietary world. I'm sort of thinking I may have found my home. Wish me luck and please, please pray for me.

Simple Food

2011-05-20T10:02:00.000-07:00

Nourishing Days: I love love love this website. I haven't read much in terms of this gal's life (except that her family is grain free and lives on a homestead) but I've tried tons of recipes from her site and I've loved them all. She's written two cookbooks: Simple Food {For Winter} and Simple Food {For Spring}.

Click here to visit Nourishing Days.

The recipes ARE simple, delicious, and nourishing. There's a nice mix of meat and meat-free dishes. All the recipes are grain free. If I'm not mistaken, the only dairy used in the recipes is cultured dairy. The ingredients are seasonal, so they should be available at their peak freshness making the food extra delicious

I've based the next two weeks of dinners off the recipes in these cookbooks. My family, including my very picky kids, have loved everything I've put in front of them.

Highlights from Simple Food for Winter include: Slow Cooker Black Bean Soup, Slow Cooker Dijon Chicken with Broccoli and Grain-Free Buttermilk Biscuits. BISCUITS!! Made without flour!

Simple Food for Spring includes such favorites as: the best RANCH DRESSING I've ever had. Ever. Ever. Thai-Inspired Spring Vegetable Stir Fry, Braised White Beans Scented with Rosemary, and Grain-Free Scones. SCONES!! Made without flour!!

There's a really nice variety in these books. We're fortunate to live in an area where a lot of the winter ingredients are available year round and we do get a cold night every now and then so we'll be using these cookbooks quite a lot. They are reasonably priced as well at $10 for the ebook version.

So check it out, yo! You won't be sorry!

Click here to visit Nourishing Days.

PS- I signed up to be an affiliate so if you click on any of the links above and buy the books, I get a little something something. I really believe in these cookbooks!

Carb Overload

2011-05-18T20:12:00.000-07:00

I want. To die.

Well, not really. But my insides feel like they are going to explode! And its all because of carbs. I've eaten more bread in the past 24 hours then I have in months and I'm feeling it. YUCK YUCK YUCK!

Tomorrow, I begin the 4 Hour Body plan. That, combined with South Beach, will hopefully get me down another 10 pounds in the next 5 or 6 weeks. I'm psyched to get started, actually. I've already lost 10 pounds on South Beach... and when I lose another 10, I get to pick up a special something-something for myself.

The main idea behind the 4 Hour Body is this: Give yourself the Minimum Effective Dose of what works and then commit to it completely. Apparently, a lot of people are having great success with it. There are over 1,000 five-star reviews on Amazon. I know someone who is using it and has lost over 10 pounds. And its pretty easy. Here are the main points:

1. Eat one protein, one legume, and one vegetable at every meal. The protein should be at least 30 grams or more of protein.

2. Keep meals simple and repetitive

3. White foods are verboten... the exception being cauliflower. Mmmmm.... Oh and no fruit or dairy. Booooo!

4. Try not to snack. If you're hungry, eat more at meals.

5. Have one binge day a week. He's not talking gluttony here... he's just recommending that one eats some of the forbidden foods one day per week. For me, that will be Sunday. Then I won't have to say no to all the coffee hour goodies! Apparently this helps shake up your metabolism.

Really, the book explains it all.

There is nothing incompatible with 4HB and South Beach... except that you are allowed to snack and have dairy on South Beach. The diet is called "Slow-Carb" but really, it basically sounds paleo to me. And that's okay.

All my problems would be solved if I could just eat eggs. I can't do it. The only way I'm able to get them down is in cauliflower pizza. Maybe I need to sneak out and buy a few heads...

"Keepin' It Real"

2011-05-18T17:12:00.000-07:00

I was gifted with a blog award this afternoon by Matushka Anna over at Praying With My Feet. I am totally honored and excited!! Drumroll please:

Matushka Anna created this award for " bloggers who share glimpses of their real life even when it's not magazine-perfect. Not that you have to be that way all the time, just on occasion." I'm squeeing with delight! I've never won a blog award before.

And now I get to pass on the award to another blogger who is "Keepin' It Real!" This blogger is a woman I deeply admire. She has shared her personal struggles online, homeschooling her challenging children nd dealing with some serious health issues of her own. She is always brutally honest about her journey and I appreciate that a lot. She inspires me to be present where I am at and to "do the next thing."

The next winner of the "Keepin' It Real" award is...

ALANA from Morning Coffee!!

One Boring Blog

2011-05-17T12:10:00.000-07:00

I wish I was more interesting. I have lots of stuff I think about writing, but in the end, it all gets shoved to the wayside in favor of pithy status updates on Facebook.

I added a new feature to the sidebar- that scrolling Amazon thing is a list of books I am reading. I've got one other to add to the list. I'm reading it honor of "Lady" Lydia Sherman:

Mothers of Invention: Women of the Slaveholding South in the American Civil War

A brief description from Amazon:

Faust (The Creation of Confederate Nationalism) makes a major contribution to both Civil War historiography and women's studies in this outstanding analysis of the impact of secession, invasion and conquest on Southern white women. Antebellum images based on helplessness and dependence were challenged as women assumed an increasing range of social and economic responsibilities. Their successes were, however, at best mixed, involving high levels of improvisation. The failure of Southern men to sustain their patriarchal pretensions on the battlefield also broke the prewar gender contract of dependence in return for protection. Women of the South after 1865 confronted both their doubt about what they could accomplish by themselves and their desire to avoid reliance on men. The women's rights movement in the South thus grew from necessity and disappointment-a sharp contrast to the ebullient optimism of its Northern counterpart. Faust's provocative analysis of a complex subject merits a place in all collections of U.S. history.

Hopefully, anyone who is familiar with Mrs. Sherman's writings will understand the irony of why I'm reading this in her honor. I don't have time to go into it right now...

I'm way behind today- and its all my fault. So, I'm off to make another few practice loaves of altar bread (the Orthodox make the bread at home that we use in the Eucharist) and Garlic Cheddar Biscuits to accompany the Buttermilk Chicken of tonight's dinner.

Also on today's agenda:

1. Staying OFF the computer!!
2. Getting all the day's lessons done in the shortest possible amount of time
3. Laundry laundry laundry
4. Pack six boxes of books (Have I mentioned here that we are moving in three weeks?? Aaaaaaah!)

Better get too it. Procrastination is my middle name!

Spanking: Not a Solution for Disobedience

2011-05-06T17:49:00.000-07:00

A quote from the FABULOUS book Our Thoughts Determine Our Lives:

If the parents say, 'Stay here,' then the child must stay where they told him. But a child is a child; he cannot sit still in one place. What usually happens is that the parents spank the child for being disobedient. But that is not a good manner of teaching a child obedience. Maybe sometimes a spanking is called for, but then it should be out of love, and the child must feel love. Parents should never spank their children when provoked by anger. For if you are going to correct someone when you are angry, you will achieve nothing. You will only hurt both the person and yourself.

If you want to bring someone onto the right path, to teach and advise him, then you must humble yourself first and talk to the person with a lot of love. He will accept your advice, for he will feel that it is given with love. But when you want to have your own way at all costs, then you will achieve nothing. That is how resistance builds up in the child. When a child is disobedient, spanking is not a solution.

~Elder Thaddeus

First off, let me just say that I STILL fail to see how spanking a child, even "in love," can possibly make a child feel loved. So obviously, I would disagree with Elder Thaddeus here. But I love the rest of this quote and I think he's spot on for the most part.

Throwing Out What I Thought I Knew

2011-05-04T07:38:00.000-07:00

Elizabeth Esther has again hit the nail on the head with her post "Wait. What? Catholics are Christians too?" . Ohhhh, I can so relate to what she has written here. Two years ago, I didn't know anything about Orthodoxy... but I thought I did.

For example:

Orthodox Christians believe in a false gospel.
Orthodox Christians are just Catholics without a Pope
They worship Mary
Icons are idols and violate the second commandment
Mystery is baaaaaaaaad
They believe in transubstantiation (they don't) so they believe they are eating the actual Body and drinking the actual Blood of Christ

I'm ashamed of myself and thank GOD I've been forgiven and absolved of that sinful and presumptuous attitude. I made judgments based on what I thought I knew or what I had been told about it. I definitely believed that anything distinctively Roman Catholic was heretical and that while there were some Roman Catholics who were "saved", Rome as a whole taught a false gospel and was therefore leading millions astray. And since Orthodoxy sort of looks like Roman Catholicism, I just lumped them in with the Catholics.

And then, my friend and (now former) wife to my pastor told me she was looking into Orthodoxy for real. I was FORCED to read primary sources. I had to learn for myself what they believed so I could argue her out of converting. Just like a good Calvinist... arguing about *everything.* Eventually, I had confront what I thought I knew about Orthodox Christianity and ask myself if I was guilty of mis-characterization and judgmentalism (I was). When I realized that I actually knew next to nothing about it, I decided to throw out everything- my misconceptions and my Calvinism- so that I could learn with objectivity. I maintained my Christian world view, but I didn't start with the assumption that Orthodox Christianity was false. I mean, there has to be something to a Christian Tradition which has been around since Pentecost and maintained remarkable continuity of doctrine and worship in all times everywhere. Protestantism and even Roman Catholicism can't make those claims. I think that attitude - looking at Orthodoxy as objectively as possible and NOT starting with the assumption that it was a false system or that I needed to find out how to disprove it- made all the difference.

More About Pascha, er Easter

2011-04-27T12:52:00.000-07:00

Along with my response to a comment I got on the post "Is Easter Pagan??", I thought I'd post a link to this article as I found it to be especially helpful:

It IS Pascha, Not Easter

I offer no judgment toward people who use the term "Easter" rather than "Pascha." None at all! I just put this out there as food for thought because I thought Father Michael makes a lot of sense and gives biblical justification for the use of the word "Pascha."

Off my soapbox now!

To Train Up a Child: A Review

2011-04-26T14:30:00.000-07:00

I wrote this review on Amazon a few years ago and thought I'd post it here. Please keep in mind that this review was written before the deaths of Sean Paddock and Lydia Schatz, both of which implicate the Pearls' teachings as contributing factors to these deaths. I would have MUCH stronger words today then I did several years ago... but this review is a pretty good summary of what I think about their godless, evil teachings.

One star out of Five

I think a few of the main problems I have with this book lie in a couple of areas:

1. The Pearls view training children the way some people view training animals. Several times in TTUAC, Mr. Pearl states that the biblical way to train children is the same way we train a mule or a dog. He seems to ignore the fact that children are human beings made in God’s image. Biblically speaking, we are to treat human beings with a great deal more dignity and respect than a dog.

2. The Pearls set up an antagonistic relationship between parent and child. The child’s will must be subdued and conquered and the only way to accomplish this, it seems, is through switching. If parents fail to use this method, Mr. Pearl states that parents are creating a “Nazi.” He commands parents to look for opportunities to “thwart” the will of one’s children. I don’t see that in the Bible anywhere.

3. Obviously, parents react to the Pearls’ materials in different ways. I see TTUAC as a manual for child abuse. Pearl supporters claim its saved their homes. It seems to be a matter of interpretation. How can we know how anyone is going to interpret what is in that book? Even some Pearl supporters say that they don’t agree with everything they say which means there are elements that just don’t sit right with many, many people. I would hope that those folks ask why those elements bother them so much.

4. The Pearls represent themselves as biblical authorities on parenting and “child training”. Parents who don’t have a good support system in place tend to get desperate very fast. Mr. Pearl states in his introduction to TTUAC that once you read his book, the techniques will seem obvious and you’ll wonder why you didn’t figure it out on your own. Desperate people often tend toward extreme behavior. There are many MANY pro-spanking parents who feel that the Pearls’ methods are extreme. Switching for each and every single offense. Placing a child’s hands on a hot stove to teach him not to touch it. Shoving an unsuspecting child in a pool to teach them fear of the water. Hosing down a child who’s soiled his pants while learning to potty train as punishment for not using the potty.

Believe me, there are innumberable ways to raise godly children that have nothing whatsoever to do with the abuse advocated in this book.

5. This book is also full of horrible theology which I believe stems from the Pearls errant view on the nature of man.

6. The Pearls are just bad writers. They are totally unclear about several of their ideas and they contradict themselves in a number of places. Never show mercy to your child, show mercy to your child. Pick your child up when he cries, don’t pick him up when he cries. Things like that. I know for a fact that their style alone has left a number of parents totally confused about what to do with their kids. If the Pearls believe that consistency is the key, perhaps they should work on being more consistent in their writing.

Please, please don’t buy it. Amazon should stop selling it.

I’d give it zero stars if I could.

Christos Anesti!

2011-04-25T22:00:00.000-07:00

Christ is Risen from the dead

And through death, He did trample upon death

And thus bestowed upon those in the tombs the gift of life.

Alithos Anesti! Truly He is Risen!

I cannot believe that Pascha has come and gone! This past week was so incredibly moving for my whole family that I'm kind of sad to see it go. Holy Week is an incredibly intense time of prayer, services, standing, repentance, sorrow, joy, hope... And it all culminates in that glorious and hope-filled proclamation that Christ is risen from the dead! Truly, He is Risen!

Can I just brag on my kids for a moment? They did AWESOME this week! They attended just about every service I went to and they behaved so well and were so patient, I started to wonder who traded in my babies for these adults who sat still and didn't ask to be taken the loo 100 times. I think, in total, they attended about 15 hours of services from Wednesday through Sunday.

My husband was received into the Church by chrismation just before the Resurrection service began late Saturday night. I cannot describe the joy that I feel now that we are all united together in the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church. I am so grateful to God for bringing my husband home to His Church and for giving Mark a genuine conviction about the veracity of the Orthodox Church's contention that it is the Apostolic witness alive in the world. He could have converted just to please me- and that would've been enough for me at this point- but he seems to have genuinely embraced the Church's teachings and the demands made on your body and soul and mind. I am very proud and very RELIEVED!

I want to write more. I so do. I am full of stories about Great and Holy Friday and how the Lord brought me to a wonderful place of repentance and peace before His cross that afternoon; what we do in the services; the JOY and emotion and hope of Pascha... the look on my priest's face as he sings "Christos Anesti" is priceless; you can tell that THIS proclamation- that Christ is Risen from the dead- is the center of his very soul. It is what fuels him. I'll never get a picture of it except in my mind. We sing Christos Anesti/Christ is Risen at least 20 or 30 times on Pascha night alone!

As I was saying... I want to write more on these things and I plan to... but I'm falling into a post-Pascha coma at the moment. Somehow, while we were out all week at Church, my house went to pot. Mount Washmore looks like Mount Everest and while I started from base camp and made it a few camps upward, I still need to tackle the summit. I put declared today a TV/non-school day and fixed up my house. Tomorrow, its back to school and back to live as usual.

Except that life can never be the same as long as those words, Christos Anesti, continue to ring in my heart.

Hades Groans

2011-04-23T07:59:00.000-07:00

"Today hades groans and cries aloud:

'It had been better for me, had I not accepted Mary's Son,

for He has come to me and destroyed my power;

He has shattered the gates of brass,

and as God He has raised up the souls that once I held.'

Glory to Thy Cross, O Lord, and to Thy Resurrection!"

~A Hymn from Holy Saturday

Until yesterday, my heart had been weighed down with troubles and I just couldn't focus on repentance and genuine sorrow for the part that my life has played in placing Christ on the cross. But somehow, sitting in the church with my husband in silence, God trampled down those walls and those sorrows I was feeling for the troubles in my life turned into that repentance and sorrow for sin I had been longing for and seeking. I started weeping. I left the service last night, no longer weighed down by my earthly cares. I hope this feeling stays, at least through tomorrow.

I will write more about yesterday, Great and Holy Friday, in the days to come. For now, I am basking in the truth that Satan has been defeated and the grave can no longer hold those who call Christ their Savior.

Kali Anastasi! Blessed Resurrection!

Is Easter Pagan??

2011-04-22T08:17:00.000-07:00

Is Easter pagan?

No.

I came across this article and thought it might be helpful for those who have questions about the origins of the commemoration of Christ's Resurrection.

Was Easter Borrowed From a Pagan Holiday?

Here's a little snippet to whet the appetite:

Anyone encountering anti-Christian polemics will quickly come up against the accusation that a major festival practiced by Christians across the globe—namely, Easter—was actually borrowed or rather usurped from a pagan celebration. I often encounter this idea among Muslims who claim that later Christians compromised with paganism to dilute the original faith of Jesus.

The argument largely rests on the supposed pagan associations of the English and German names for the celebration (Easter in English and Ostern in German). It is important to note, however, that in most other European languages, the name for the Christian celebration is derived from the Greek word Pascha, which comes frompesach, the Hebrew word for Passover. Easter is the Christian Passover festival.

Of course, even if Christians did engage incontextualization—expressing their message and worship in the language or forms of the local people—that in no way implies doctrinal compromise. Christians around the world have sought to redeem the local culture for Christ while purging it of practices antithetical to biblical norms. After all, Christians speak of "Good Friday," but they are in no way honoring the worship of the Norse/Germanic queen of the gods Freya by doing so.

But, in fact, in the case of Easter the evidence suggests otherwise: that neither the commemoration of Christ's death and resurrection nor its name are derived from paganism.

And for what its worth, the Orthodox do not generally use the term "Easter" to describe this holy day. I've heard it used by some but the correct term for us is "Pascha."

Okay, I'm off to decorate the church for this afternoon!

She Knows My Pain

2011-04-21T23:32:00.000-07:00

Today He who hung the earth upon the waters is hung on the tree. The King of the angels is decked with a crown of thorns. He who wraps the heavens in clouds is wrapped in the purple of mockery. The Bridegroom of the Church is affixed to the Cross with nails. The Son of the Virgin is pierced by a spear. We worship Thy passion, O Christ. Show us also Thy glorious resurrection.

Today the blameless Virgin saw You, O Word of God, hanging on the Cross, deeply mourning you within herself, and bitterly pierced in the heart, she groaned in agony from the depth of her soul. Exhausted by beating on her breast, with hair disheveled, she cried out wailing: "Woe to me! My Divine Son! Woe to me! Light of the world! Why O Lamb of God, have You faded from my eyes?" Wherefore, the legions of the Heavenly Hosts were seized with trembling, crying out "O incomprehensible Lord, glory to You."

But God, our King, before all ages wrought salvation amidst the earth.

Seeing You hanging on the Cross O Christ, the God and Creator of all, Whom as a Virgin she bore, she cried out bitterly: "O my Son, where has the beauty of Your form vanished? I cannot bear to see You unjustly crucified; hasten therefore and rise up, that I too may behold Your Resurrection from the dead on the third day."

School News

2011-04-20T10:07:00.000-07:00

I. am. not. creative.

Plus

I am a homeschool mom. Those two are difficult to mesh together successfully, I think. I actually have to stretch my creative muscles in order to do anything not out of a story or workbook.

In other words, I am the most boring teacher ever.

Not really. My kids seem to enjoy school and they are learning a lot. And I must say, the wannabe creative mom in me came out yesterday in an effort to keep the interest going.

1. We sang our math lessons. Made-up melodies for math problems. It was hilarious, but it kept my son's attention- and we were having some attention issues yesterday... It was his idea to sing and we ended having a lot of fun!

2. The kids created "cave paintings" to go along with the lessons about early humans. I crumbled up some grocery bags to give the paper some texture and they painted something from their daily lives- Alex did an amusement park (not part of our daily lives, but still pretty cool). Sophia did... well... a Jackson Pollack, also not part of our daily lives. But they had fun AND did some art. Alex really enjoyed it which brought me joy because he's not an art kind of kid at all.

In other homeschool news:

I picked up the Simply Charlotte Mason All-Day Seminar and our homeschool was lifted out of the doldrums overnight! Katherine over at Evlogia suggested that using the wisdom found in this seminar would be the best thing we could do for our homeschool and she was totally right. I am THRILLED and recommend this DVD set wholeheartedly.

I am starting to wonder whether or not we need the charter school to fund our homeschool... We will be using A LOT of Simply Charlotte Mason products and recommendations (Spelling Wisdom, Delightful Reading, English for the Thoughtful Child, Outdoor Secrets, etc.) and the school won't fund those purchases. Totally fine. So what do I need the school for? Yes, the school will pay for extracurricular activities and field trips but is it worth it? The only drawback to leaving now is that we'd have to give back everything they've bought for us and repurchasing those things would cost us significantly. So, for now, we're sticking with it.

We recently revolutionized our math lessons by FINALLY picking up the Singapore Home Instructor's Guide which, I must begrudgingly admit, is the KEY to teaching math the "Singapore Way." Manipulatives Manipulatives Manipulatives! Less text/workbook.

I picked up A Child's History of the World which I LOVE because it does not come from a Young Earth Creationist perspective. My kids love the stories. They are far more engaging then Story of the World.

Along with "A Child's History," I did purchase the first set of timeline figures from Homeschool in the Woods. These figures are beautiful and the descriptions will be really helpful... but the dates are wrong. A lot of the dates are wrong. I don't have a problem with the timeline beginning in 5005 BC- if they want to come from that perspective, that's fine. We just won't use their dates for anything before Genesis 12. Not a problem. BUT, I'm finding that a lot of the ancient history dates are incorrect- some of them are off by centuries. And this does present a problem for us because we are putting together a Book of Centuries. I don't mind changing pre-history dates because I expect that they will have their dates wrong on those events, but I do not want to have to change 700 dates. That is definitely no bueno.

We have eight weeks left in the school year and I intend to finish STRONG! I feel like I have finally hit my stride as a teacher. My kids don't complain about the lessons anymore (thank you Sonya Shafer!) and I'm hitting every subject I want to cover. We've even managed to have a school week during Holy Week, the busiest time of year for us liturgically speaking. But if you keep the lessons short, sweet, and interesting, its easier to fit school in to the rhythm of liturgical life.

About My Father's Business

2011-04-19T10:05:00.000-07:00

The Church has given us quite a long Gospel reading from the Olivet Discourse for Great Tuesday. I felt especially convicted this morning as I read these words:

⁴⁵ “Who then is a faithful and wise servant, whom his master made ruler over his household, to give them food in due season? ⁴⁶ Blessed is that servant whom his master, when he comes, will find so doing. ⁴⁷ Assuredly, I say to you that he will make him ruler over all his goods. ⁴⁸ But if that evil servant says in his heart, ‘My master is delaying his coming,’ ^[g] ⁴⁹ and begins to beat his fellow servants, and to eat and drink with the drunkards, ⁵⁰ the master of that servant will come on a day when he is not looking for him and at an hour that he is not aware of, ⁵¹ and will cut him in two and appoint him his portion with the hypocrites. There shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Matthew 24:45-51

God has called me to the incredible vocation of wife and mother. I can truly say that this is exactly what I want to be doing with my life and I am so thankful and privileged to be able to do it.

But I need to actually do it.

The faithful and wise servant in this parable is constantly working at his calling because he knows that the Lord's return is imminent and he does not want to be caught being lazy when his Master comes calling. The evil servant knows that its going to be a while before the Master returns, so he does whatever his heart pleases. He then gets caught off guard because he wasn't looking for the Master.

Holy Week is geared toward getting our minds focused on the coming of our Bridegroom, our Master, our Savior. During this week especially, the great majority of our mental and even physical energy is spent in preparation for Pascha. I think this is why we read the Olivet Discourse during this time.

This passage hit me even more close to home this morning. I am sooooo often more like the evil servant- procrastinating my duties and engaging in the "fruits of my labors" before I have actually, you know, labored. I mean, who doesn't like to eat desert first? But I think Jesus is calling me to be busy in my vocation and calling BECAUSE I do not know the day or the hour of His return. I would be MORTIFIED if he came to my door and found me on Facebook while dirty dishes sat unwashed in the sink.

Please, please know that I am speaking of myself here and my own particular issues with sloth and self-discipline. I am not saying that anyone's home needs to be perfectly clean or that hanging out on Facebook or reading/writing blogs or whatever is wrong in any way. My own tendency is to do these things first and then put off my duties- my very calling- until it feels convenient for me.

And that is not at all the way I want to live my life.

I love the idea of being busy about my Father's business because Jesus is returning soon. Working out my salvation (out, not for!) within my vocation prepares my soul for eternity and union with Christ. My vocation is God's particular design for my particular soul- He knows my frame!- and He knows that this life that He has given me is exactly what I need to prepare for my Bridegroom. And I long for Him, down to my very bones.

I'd better get busy!

Behold, the Bridegroom Comes!

2011-04-17T21:53:00.000-07:00

Behold, the Bridegroom comes at midnight,

and blessed is the servant whom He shall find watching;

and again, unworthy is the servant whom He shall find heedless.

Beware, therefore, O my soul, do not be weighted down with sleep,

lest you be given up to death,

and lest you be shut out of the Kingdom!

But rouse yourself, crying: “Holy, holy, holy, are You, O our God!”

Through the Theotokos have mercy on us!

Some words from Fr. Alexander Schmemann:

Midnight is the moment when the old day comes to its end and a new day begins. It is thus the symbol of the time in which we live as Christians. For, on the one hand, the Church is still in this world, sharing in its weaknesses and tragedies. Yet, on the other hand, her true being is not of this world, for she is the Bride of Christ and her mission is to announce and to reveal the coming of the Kingdom and of the new day. Her life is a perpetual watching and expectation, a vigil pointed at the dawn of this new day. But we know how strong is still our attachment to the "old day," to the world with its passions and sins. We know how deeply we still belong to "this world." We have seen the light, 'We know Christ, we have heard about the peace and joy of the new life in Him, and yet the world holds us in its slavery. This weakness, this constant betrayal of Christ, this incapacity to give the totality of our love to the only true object of love are wonderfully expressed in the exapostilarion of these three days:

"Thy Bridal Chamber I see adorned, O my Savior And I have no wedding garment that I may enter, O Giver of life, enlighten the vesture of my soul And save me."

How often do live my life unprepared for the Bridegroom? He could come at any moment- am I prepared to meet him? My soul often sleeps. How grateful I am for Great Lent and Holy Week, times absolutely focused on rousing my soul and finding the freedom from sin that only Christ can give!

Simple Woman's Daybook

2011-04-17T16:36:00.000-07:00

Simple Woman's Daybook

Welcome to my Sunday Daybook. A chance for me to reflect intentionally on what is going on in my world each week. You can check out other daybookers here.

Outside my window … it feels like summer. I'm going to put on shorts for the next few hours until its time to go back to Church.

I am thinking … about Bridegroom Matins, a service I get to attend alone this evening. This is one of my favorite services of the entire liturgical year. For most of my life I never truly knew the love of God... I never truly understood what it meant to have Christ as my Bridegroom. When I became Orthodox, I knew the love of God for the first time.

Behold, the Bridegroom cometh in the middle of the night, and blessed is that servant whom He shall find watching; and again unworthy is he whom He shall find heedless. Beware, therefore, O my soul, lest thou be overcome with sleep, lest thou be given up to death, and be shut out from the Kingdom. But rouse thyself and cry: Holy, Holy, Holy art Thou, O God, through the Mother of God, have mercy on us.

Holy Week is upon us and I am looking forward to the long hours in Church and Mark's Chrismation on Holy Saturday evening!

I am thankful for … the incredible people of St. Paul's Greek Orthodox Church in Irvine. These people have absolutely bathed us in love and generosity. And they provide a tremendous example of what it means to be a Christian in the world: they are the servants of all. And they do it with joy.

I am hoping … that this will be a meaningful week for my family, especially Mark, who will become a member of the Church at the end of the week.

On my mind …getting stuff done before leaving for the service tonight.

Noticing that …I need to get going!

A few plans for the week … Someone counted up all the hours of potential hours of Holy Week services and came up with 36. That's pretty amazing! We're not going to absolutely everything, but we'll be around for most of that. I'm not planning on doing much besides homeschool and Holy Week.

From the kitchen … Enchilada Pie; Corn tortillas smothered in salsa beans and cheese and stacked; top with salsa and more cheese, bake until hot, enjoy.

Around the house …Eeek! Don't come over! And its about to get worse cuz we're moving in a few weeks! But then, please come over! We'll have a home big enough for our family (and others!!)

One of my favorite things … Fresh, homemade salsa

The Kingdom of Me

2011-04-14T08:04:00.000-07:00

Father Steve likes to quote this passage from Kay Warren's book Dangerous Surrender and lately, I've found it to be terribly convicting and wonderful:

Not only do I seek complete control of everything around me, but my greatest and deepest love is reserved for myself. I am desperately in love with myself. If I am completely honest, I have to admit that there are many times when I want the world to revolve around me- my comfort, my pleasure, my convenience. I desire that others make me happy, meet my needs, and refrain from offending me, hurting me, wounding me, upsetting or irritating me. I want to be understood, appreciated, acknowledged, elevated, praised, valued, adored and cherished. My greatest efforts every day go toward myself.

And in case anyone is wondering, that attitude is totally incompatible with Christianity and is utterly condemned by Christ. But I'm guilty of behaving like that every day. These attitudes are probably my greatest sins. Christianity is about EMPTYING yourself of these attitudes.

Father goes on to say:

Writing in the Philokalia, St. Maximos the Confessor calls this philautia or self-love and says that this obsessive and narcissistic love of self is at the root of all human sinfulness, lust for power, hatred and violence. The first maxim of the spiritual life is given to us by St. John the Baptist in the Gospel of John: "He must increase and I must decrease." In order to follow the Lord Jesus and enter his Kingdom, we must deny ourselves- all our self-centered ways of seeing the world around us and our selfish behavior that results from this distorted vision- and pick up our cross and follow Him.

Lord have mercy.

A Tighter Conversion Story

2011-04-14T08:01:00.000-07:00

Somewhere on this blog, I have a pretty lengthy conversion story... but it is LONG and needed to be tightened up a bit. My priest asked me to write it out for our parish newsletter (I'm kinda freaking out!!), so I took what I had already written and tightened it up. This is sort of the "events-based" conversion story. I don't talk theology a lot, but believe me- if I did not believe the theological and historical positions of the Orthodox Christian Church were true, I wouldn't be Orthodox. So, here goes:

I have been a Christian almost all of my life. I grew up in the Evangelical-Free Church and eventually made my way from there, through Calvary Chapel to the Reformed Church. If you have talked to me 18 months ago about my dedication to Calvinism and Reformed Theology, I would have told you I was ready to die for the core principles of the Protestant Reformation. I believed so strongly in the theological system that I never managed to develop a relationship with God or realize that He actually loved me. When I found Orthodox Christianity, I wasn't looking for it. But somehow, as God pursued me, He brought me through a series of events, providentially ordered to bring me to where I am now- a member of the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church.

The Journey Begins

Calvinism saved my life seven years ago. My belief in God’s absolute and utter sovereignty kept me from taking my own life when the Lord called home my firstborn, Grace, before she ever drew breath. “And we know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 is inscribed on Grace’s marker. God’s purpose, albeit unknown to me, was to work for my good. I hated that fact, but it kept me alive… well, breathing, at least.

Just over a year later and only three months after my next child was born, my father died an agonizing death from pancreatic cancer. My dad was everything to me: my hero, my confidant, my best friend... Losing him, and so quickly, became another nearly unbearable loss.

The deaths of these two people affected me profoundly, as I’m sure is obvious. I tell these stories, not to be a downer, but because they are such an integral part of my journey.

My former church is pretty intellectual. A great emphasis is placed on cultivating the life of the mind. We were trained to know what we believed and why we believed it. And we were PROUD of being Reformed! At least we weren't like those other happy-clappy American Evangelicals! It was a rare occurrence indeed for anyone to "swim the Tiber" and become Roman Catholic... and even MORE rare for someone to "swim the Bosporus" and become Orthodox!

Confronted by Orthodoxy

Imagine my shock, then, when Heather, my best friend and fellow church member, let me in on a little secret: She and her husband, Marcelo, were studying Orthodox Christianity and not just as an intellectual exercise. I tried to talk her out of Orthodoxy, but it’s very difficult to present a defense against something you know nothing about. Of course, I started off on a one woman crusade to take down Orthodox Christianity (you can laugh at this point... its okay!) in order to save my friends from what I considered to be a false religion. I listened to podcasts (and argued into the air with the teachers I listened to... it was pretty funny). I read books. Lots of books. I tried to keep all that I was learning at arm's length, but really, all that information was starting to chip away at my defenses...

On September 1st, 2009, I first walked into the doors of St. Paul's after a weekday liturgy. Heather's husband, Marcelo, offered to take me inside and give me a tour. My five senses were immediately hit. I could smell the incense… a very distinctive smell, by the way, and one that I remembered from my brief tour of the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem. I could see all the beautifully lit candles in the nave and the icons of St. Paul and the Theotokos on either side of the doors. And of course, I walked inside those doors and immediately confronted the enormous Platytera icon. My mind was screaming "See! They DO worship Mary!"

We sat down in the middle of the church and Marcelo showed me all the elements inside- the altar, iconostasis, and the incredible dome. For some reason, the dome really struck me. Seeing Christ as King looking down on the church- it became apparent that He was the person the Orthodox worship and not Mary. She may be the first icon you see, but she is placed there as an example of how our lives need to be, with Christ at the very center. I left the church intrigued and unsettled.

The Walls Come Crumbling Down...

That night, somehow, Marcelo and I started chatting on Facebook. We talked about a wide range of things- sola scriptura, justification, salvation… and the Saints. At this point, I really didn’t have a problem with the idea of asking the Saints for their intercession in the same way that I would ask for the intercession of my family and friends for whatever need seemed reasonable.

My grandma, a cradle Roman Catholic, has prayed out of the same prayer book every single day for at least my entire life. Marcelo asked me why she would stop praying for us once she reached heaven. Surely she could pray more fully when in the presence of Christ. So true.

And then I asked him one of the most important questions of my life- the answer to which changed everything. Here is where the walls of my Reformed heart tumbled down and turned to dust.

“Do you think my dad and my daughter are praying for me?”

Marcelo's answer: “I would be certain of it.”

Remember how the deaths of my daughter and my dad profoundly affected my theology and made me hold on even more tightly to God’s absolute and unwavering sovereignty? Remember how the only way I could accept their deaths was by trusting that God somehow had a plan for my good? Suddenly, that didn’t seem to be enough anymore, but in a good way! Their Christian lives were carrying on even now! To know that my beloved family members are praying for us night and day- that brought me such comfort. I can’t explain it. I really wish I could understand how this particular issue finally pulled down the stubborn strongholds of my faith and allow me to see Orthodoxy for what it is and not for how it is different from “the true faith.” I’d wanted to believe or just to begin to learn without being critical. I finally had a reason that I could live with. Somehow, in this faith, my loved ones didn’t seem to be so far away. To know that we are worshiping with them in the Divine Liturgy, to know that we are participating with them in the Marriage Supper of the Lamb as we commune and they are separated from us only because we cannot see them or hear them… I had to know more!

Eventually, I found myself sitting in Orthodoxy 101 with Father Steve and many others. Last year, my children and I were received into the Church. This year, my husband joins us. I am so grateful to the people who shared with me and prayed for me. My family has been absolutely enveloped by the love of St. Paul's parishioners. We have found our home.

Loving the Unbeliever

2011-04-09T13:32:00.000-07:00

All too often, we Christians are characterized by what we stand against. We expect others to hold to our religious and moral standards and when they don't, we gossip about them or we boycott their businesses or introduce legislation to trample their rights. THAT IS NOT CHRISTIANITY. That is not Jesus Christ.

I heard some quotes today from St. Maximus the Confessor that I had to put down before I forgot:

“The one who loves God cannot help but love also every man as himself even though he is displeased by the passions of those who are not yet purified” (CL 1:13). “Love for God in no way admits of hatred for man” (CL 1:15).

“The one who does not love his neighbor [as the Lord commands as a proof of our love for Him] …is not able to love the Lord” (CL 1:16).

“Blessed is the man who has learned to love all men equally” (CL 1:17; 2:10).

“The one who loves God surely loves his neighbor as well” (CL 1:23).

“The work of love is the deliberate doing of good to one‟s neighbor…” (CL 1:40).

“The one who leads an angelic life on earth…[is] always thinking good of everyone” (CL 1:42).

“Perfect love does not split up the one nature of men on the basis of their various dispositions but ever looking steadfastly at it loves all men equally…It ever manifests the fruits of love equally for all men…” (CL 1:71; cf. 2:30).

“The one who has come to understand the weakness of human nature…never looks down on anyone” (CL 2:39).

“The one who does not love anything human loves all men…” (CL 3:37).

“Love of neighbor prepares the mind to think always well of him” (CL 4:40).

“The one who loves Christ thoroughly imitates Him as much as he can. Treated ungratefully and blasphemed, He was patient; beaten and put to death by them, He endured, not thinking ill of anyone at all. These three are the works of love of neighbor in the absence of which a person who says he loves Christ or possesses His Kingdom deceives himself” (CL 4:55).

“Be as eager as you can to love every man, but if you cannot do this, at least do not hate anyone [which] you cannot do unless you scorn the things of this world” (CL 4:82).

“You are to love every man from your soul…” (CL 4:95).

“The friends of Christ love everyone sincerely [and] maintain the continuity of their love till the end” (CL 4:98).

I know of people who are leaving the Faith, in part, because of the way American Christians are living out their lives in battle against those with whom they disagree. They are known by what they stand against rather than what they are for. Again, let me say, those people do not represent Jesus Christ any more then the 9/11 hijackers represent Islam. May the world know that we are Christians by the love we show to one another, even those who appear to be our enemies. Loving people does not mean we have to agree with everything they stand for. But it does mean extending KINDNESS, assistance when needed, mercy, friendship, and a constant recognition of my own faults and not my neighbors'. My sins are great enough!

Molly Sabourin wrote a FANTASTIC piece about this issue last year. In it, she states:

What does it mean to believe boldly? To take a stand against ___________? Well, just fill in the blank. There’s no shortage of un-Christian attitudes, legislation, opinions to disagree with. Christians oppose Yoga, I read on the front page of the Yahoo website last week. We oppose, we oppose, we’re against, we’re fighting back, we followers of Christ have exchanged our feet washing rags for cold and metal suits of armor. And how approachable does that make us, I wonder? I mean, I understand the concern that befriending, without an agenda, individuals with moral standards, political opinions, or theological principles not in compliance with our own could be misconstrued as acceptance of what we would consider to be sinful and foolish behavior. I’m not proposing, at all, that we compromise our beliefs or blend seamlessly into our secular surroundings. I think we absolutely should stand-out, like light, like salt, like a meager meal of fish and bread shared miraculously with the multitudes, but not because of what we oppose, rather because of what we’re for: a Christ-like love that defies logic, fear, racism, selfishness, self-consciousness, condemnation, rejection, negativity.

This last part really resonates with me because this IS Christianity. This isn't what I've decided I like about Christianity... this is what was taught by Christ and the Apostles and established as the NORM in the Orthodox Church. Christ-like love. May that be what characterizes MY life, even when people do or say things I don't like.

O Lord and Master of my Life,

Take from me the spirit of sloth, despondency, lust for power and idle talk

But a spirit of chastity, humility, patience and love, bestow upon me, Thy servant.

Yea, O Lord and King, grant me to see my own faults, and not to condem my brother

For Blessed art Thou unto ages of ages. Amen.

I started thinking about this while listening to a podcast by Father Thomas Hopko, theologian extraordinaire, on Ancient Faith Radio:

How Should Orthodox Christians Relate to Others

Absolutely convicting and inspiring.

My Own Kind of Homeschooler

2011-04-02T09:57:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, I woke up to the news that Ken Ham, President of Answers in Genesis, has been "disinvited" to speak at two major homeschool conventions this year. Now, I, for one, think this is a good thing. I happen to be an old-earth creationist and I think the pseudo-science and biblical literalism he's peddling is nothing short of ridiculous. But, unfortunately, the content of his message is not the reason why he was disinvited. I'm still trying to get to the bottom of what this is all about, but I'm pretty sure he wasn't kicked out for believing the earth is 6,000 years old.

So often I feel all alone out here in old-earth world. Its funny: some days I think to myself "does anybody still believe the earth is young?" and I'm totally shocked that anybody does. And some days, like today, I very much feel in the minority, which I don't mind. My fidelity is to truth, not to being popular.

But just try buying science curriculum from Rainbow that does NOT espouse young earth creationism. It can be done and there are some excellent resources out there. But its slow going. Much like the creation of the earth, har har.

Homeschool conventions are being taken over by neo-Calvinistic historical revisionists like Doug Phillips and Kevin Swanson. Very. scary. I can honestly say that I will never attend a one where either of those men (or Voddie Baucham or any member of the Botkin family) is a keynote speaker. Young Earth Creationists I can mostly deal with... but these patriocentric types... yeah, suffice it to say that putting me in a room with Doug Phillips would not be a pretty picture.

Being compared to a godless pagan guilty of committing child sacrifice sure didn't help his image in my eyes..

Yeah, I'm still working on that forgiveness thing. (I'm just being sarcastic.... I really AM working on that forgiveness thing).

The agenda these people peddle is dangerous- it is dangerous to families, to homeschooling, to our country and to the people of God. They create a problem, twist the Scriptures, make a video and sell you the solution for $29.99 plus shipping.

And yet, they seem to be the "future" of homeschooling. People are believing the false utopian images they are selling and it breaks my heart. It angers me to see them identified as Reformed Christians (when they most certainly are NOT- you can't be Reformed and be a baptist. Calvin would've had you thrown out of Geneva. Its okay. Accept it. There are other ways to pretend your beliefs and traditions are tied to history). It angers me to see the devastation that patriocentricity inflicts on families. It angers me to see so many people falling for it.

So, obviously, these are not my kind of homeschoolers.

But hey, after all, I'm Orthodox. And there are some great resources out there for Orthodox homeschoolers.

I'm definitely in the minority. I am my own kind of homeschooler. The beauty about homeschooling is that doing what works for your family is exactly the point! I teach my children about the Feasts and Fasts and the Saints. We memorize Scripture from the Divine Liturgy. We get to church as often as possible. We read a lot of living books. We use workbooks and teach concept-based math. (Hey, Singapore is #1 in the world for a reason!!). We "do school" almost every day, but we are very flexible. We teach our children that nature doesn't lie to us because God is the Creator of nature and has revealed Himself to us in nature as well as in the Bible and Holy Tradition. We teach them weird stuff like tolerance and social justice. We use a public charter school to fund our curriculum and activities. We teach them to pray and to have compassion and not to judge others.

And that's what works for us.

I'm not terribly concerned about fitting in. The homeschooling movement as a whole has no interest for me. As long as it stays legal in California, Doug Phillips can peddle his products and the Botkins can preach about the wonders of spanking all they want. Thankfully, I don't have to listen.

Inspired!

2011-03-17T23:22:00.000-07:00

I've never suffered from homeschool burnout. I mean, how in the world would that even be possible? I've only been homeschooling since September. I wasn't burned out, but I was bored. Very bored. I'd see all these blogs detailing their Charlotte Mason or classical education method and how they were reading living books and their kids were loving it... and I'd think "Sheesh! All we ever get to is math, reading, writing and Bible. Where did all my vision go?"

My loss of vision basically amounts to laziness. I've been so caught up in my own agenda which, if I'm honest, involves spending much too much time on Facebook or reading lame watchdog blogs that don't edify me one bit. I'd wake up excited for the new day... and then all of a sudden, it would be 2pm and we hadn't sat down at the table once.

Spending time with our homeschool group, St. Theophan Academy, really helps keep the inspiration up. These ladies LOVE their children and they love homeschooling. They love teaching their children. They love books and they love getting down on the level of their kids and really engaging them. Their homeschooling is deliberate. And that inspires me.

I've also found fresh inspiration at Evlogia's Orthodox Homeschooling Series. Katherine is a seasoned homeschooling and a lover of all things Charlotte Mason. I have great respect for her experience as a mother, homeschooler, Orthodox Christian and all around person. She is a beautiful writer. And I'd be remiss if I did not credit her for a great deal of this new zeal and vision I have for our schooling.

One more blog tip for my two readers out there: 10 Million Miles. Visit and be blessed. Laura and her family are precious. I'm not sure how I found this blog... I think I found the video they did on You Tube with Laura's two daughters making butter by shaking a mason jar filled with cream. Seeing her joy as a mother, as a wife, as a homeschooler... just check it out. You'll be blessed.

I have more I'd like to write, but it is REALLY late and I need to clean up before heading off to bed. But I just wanted to say that I am EXCITED! I've caught the vision once again and I can't wait to start a new week with our new lesson plans.

Phonics Museum GIVEAWAY!!

2011-03-15T17:35:00.000-07:00

Recently, I discovered a phonics program that I am DYING to try out. Its called "Phonics Museum"

Its sort of a phonics/handwriting/art combo program from Veritas Press. Now, be warned: Veritas Press is an Evangelical and distinctly Reformed Protestant curriculum, so if that worries you, don't even look... cuz you'll be hooked once you check out this program.

Raising Homemakers is giving away a Kindergarten-First Grade Combo Kit. Oh. my. heck! So, I'm blogging about it to raise awareness and also to give myself an extra entry (teehee...)

So check it out!

Catechumen

2011-02-27T18:23:00.001-08:00

My husband became an official catechumen of the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church this morning.

Glory be to God!

A Simple Woman's Daybook

2011-02-26T19:01:00.000-08:00

A Simple Woman's Daybook for February

Outside my window...grey clouds just waiting to rain and unusually cold weather.

I am thinking...about what I need to do to prepare for our ES's visit on Monday

I am thankful for...Hot tea and a peaceful evening

A thought to share... "Be kind for everyone around you is fighting a great battle."

From the kitchen...Garlic Thyme soup and grain-free buttermilk biscuits

I am wearing...my gym clothes... STILL! EW!

I am creating..Alex's notebook for our homeschool

I am going...todeep clean the kitchen tonight

I am reading...Great Lent by Father Alexander Schmemann

I am hoping...to really be present at the Divine Liturgy tomorrow

I am listening to...Podcasts from the 2011 Climacus Conference on Thoughtful Ascent, available for FREE at Ancient Faith Radio

Around the house... kids are playing, husband is exercising, dog is begging to come inside, mama's trying to clean clean clean so she doesn't have to do it tomorrow...

One of my favorite things...A CD someone gifted me of the nuns at the Holy Monastery of the Theotokos the Life Giving Spring chanting hymns of the Divine Liturgy. I close my eyes and I'm right back in the katholikon listening to the chant and awaiting the Eucharist.

Another thought to share... "Honor is... treating every person as special, doing more than what is expected of you and having a good attitude." I need to remember that before I can expect my kids to live it.

A few plans for the rest of the week: more decluttering and cleaning, our 'learning meeting' with our charter school teacher, printing press field trip, feast day on Tuesday, St. Valentine's Day park day- it is going to be a busy week!

Still another thought to share...

Meatfare Suinday Tomorrow!! Pot Roast it is!

The Homekeeper's Journal

2011-02-26T18:51:00.000-08:00

This week’s Homekeeper’s Journal is about homemaking, of course and…… Being Gentle.

“Behold your King is coming to you, gentle, and mounted on a donkey” (Matt. 21:5; cf. Zech. 9:9)

Gentleness is one of the Fruit of the Spirit. We’re commanded to be gentle with others. In the Bible the word Meekness means Gentleness. Most women don’t have too hard a time being gentle or meek. The problem women sometimes have with gentleness is in thinking that gentleness equals weakness.

In my kitchen this week ….. Meatless dishes cuz its Cheesefare week! I've got loads of soups planned- tonight was a garlic thyme soup with greens and homemade stock with grain-free buttermilk biscuits. YUM!

On my mind this week … My husband becomes a catechumen tomorrow and Great Lent starts a week from Monday. On my mind this week- preparations for the Fast and the sacrament of Holy Confession.

Gentleness is one of the Fruit of the Spirit so as a Christian ….. I want to demonstrate gentleness in ALL my interactions with people, especially my children. Moreover, I want to be gentle in my heart, not just in my words and actions.

When the Bible says that Moses was the meekest of all men (Numbers 12:3), it reminds me that …. It reminds me of the Beatitudes, that the meek will inherit the earth.

The gentle person has died to self, so when I am gentle in situations that cause others to be angry and violent (Proverbs 16:32; 25:28) …..I know that a soft answer turns AWAY wrath. I need to stay strong in that gentleness and insist that the situation remain calm.

Knowing that gentleness is not cowardice or lack of conviction (1 Peter 2:22-23), I am encouraged to …. be deliberate in my gentleness toward others.

Babyland

2011-02-25T00:33:00.000-08:00

Nothing reminds me more of the consequences of sin than the death of children. There is something so... utterly wrong about it. These babies haven't even had the chance to sin or to seek the Lord and yet, the consequence of Adam's sin, death, still find them.

When we lived in Colorado, we would visit our Grace in Green Mountain Cemetery. Her plot was donated by the cemetery in a little area they call "Babyland." As you might suspect, this area is populated by tiny graces packed closely together. You walk up and down the rows and see how parents have decorated the markers of their beloved children. It feels... unnatural to be there. You feel it in your bones, in your very marrow. All we have left are the little spaces where our children await the resurrection.

"The sword of death has come and cut you off like a tender branch before you even tasted the joys of this earth, O blessed infant. Behold: in His tender loving kindness, Christ has opened the gates of Heaven to you, numbering you among His chosen saints in His eternal Kingdom."

Today is the sixth anniversary of the death of my best friend's daughter, Sarah. Like Grace, she had a chromosomal abnormality that left her body "incompatible with life." This much loved and wanted baby was born still and she was held and mourned and is remembered. The days and years go by and sometimes it seems like we lost our daughters a lifetime ago. Sometimes, like tonight, the loss feels raw and newly painful again.

O Lord, You have called unto Yourself this most pure infant, never having tasted life in this fallen world; grant her rest in Your heavenly mansions, among the choir of Your saints and the righteous, where the light of Your face forevermore shines, O Lover of mankind.

May your memory be eternal, dear Sarah, for you are worthy of blessedness and everlasting life!

Pilgrimage

2011-02-16T17:24:00.000-08:00

So... this weekend, I am making my first pilgrimage to the woman's monastery Life-Giving Spring. I wish they had a website I could link to, but unfortunately, they don't at this point.

The Exterior of the Church (the Katholikon)

Why go on pilgrimage? For me, I think I need this time to quiet my mind. Monasteries are places where great battles are fought- the battle for peace, for prayer, to destroy the passions. Most lay people visit monasteries so they can enter into that battle for a short time. Pilgrims participate in the longer services, observe the same fasting rules as the monastics and generally spend the time in silence and prayer. Monasticism is very attractive to me, mostly because I long for a life of constant prayer... the prayer of the heart.

I am not a person who enjoys silence. At. All. I can't clean do the simplest chore without the sound of something in my ear. Its almost paralyzing... silence.

I'll be using my ipod for the journey up and back, but while I'm there... there will be no headphones and no music... maybe no Kindle. I do want to finish The Way of the Pilgrim on this trip, but in order to avoid temptation, I hope to keep the ipod tucked safely away.

We will be attending Vespers in the evening, followed by dinner with the nuns. The Midnight office begins at 6am the next morning, which means a wake time of maybe 5:30 or so. Divine Liturgy is at 8:30. The good news is that the fasting before communion will be easy because 1) There's no access to food beforehand and 2) Liturgy is so early.

The interior of the katholikon

As a woman, I will never ascend the Holy Mountain, Mt. Athos. But I hope to take advantage of these times away. We are so fortunate, on the west coast, to have access to a number of monasteries. I can think of at least six or seven in our state alone! And I hope to visit all of them.

I am a little intimidated, I confess. This will be an entirely new experience for me as an Orthodox Christian. I'll report back soon...

Its Raining, Its Pouring...

2011-02-16T09:52:00.000-08:00

Its raining outside... the last vestiges of winter are making their way through my area. I love the rain. It reminds me of cold night walks and early morning hustles to class from my dorm room during one of the best years of my life. It reminds me of the warmth of home. Who doesn't like to bundle up in a sweater and slippers with a hot up of coffee and a book? The kids can't play outside, so its rainy day games for us today!

Sometimes the rain brings with it a dip in mood for me. The depression I face, always simmering beneath the surface, seems more difficult to stifle when the sun hides behind the clouds. I am rattled more easily. I find it even more difficult to get going every day.

But today, I choose differently. I'm going to do what needs to be done. I refuse to let the rain get the better of me. Its only a little sprinkle, after all. I intend to find my joyful thanksgiving in this day. I cling to that hope.

Just Sayin'

2011-02-15T14:48:00.000-08:00

Been meditating on this lately...

Acts 15

¹And certain having come down from Judea, were teaching the brethren -- `If ye be not circumcised after the custom of Moses, ye are not able to be saved;'
²there having been, therefore, not a little dissension and disputation to Paul and Barnabas with them, they arranged for Paul and Barnabas, and certain others of them, to go up unto the apostles and elders to Jerusalem about this question,
³they indeed, then, having been sent forward by the assembly, were passing through Phenice and Samaria, declaring the conversion of the nations, and they were causing great joy to all the brethren.
⁴And having come to Jerusalem, they were received by the assembly, and the apostles, and the elders, they declared also as many things as God did with them;
⁵and there rose up certain of those of the sect of the Pharisees who believed, saying -- `It behoveth to circumcise them, to command them also to keep the law of Moses.'
⁶And there were gathered together the apostles and the elders, to see about this matter,
⁷and there having been much disputing, Peter having risen up said unto them, `Men, brethren, ye know that from former days, God among us did make choice, through my mouth, for the nations to hear the word of the good news, and to believe;
⁸and the heart-knowing God did bare them testimony, having given to them the Holy Spirit, even as also to us,
⁹and did put no difference also between us and them, by the faith having purified their hearts;
¹⁰now, therefore, why do ye tempt God, to put a yoke upon the neck of the disciples, which neither our fathers nor we were able to bear?
¹¹but, through the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, we believe to be saved, even as also they.'
¹²And all the multitude did keep silence, and were hearkening to Barnabas and Paul, declaring as many signs and wonders as God did among the nations through them;
¹³and after they are silent, James answered, saying, `Men, brethren, hearken to me;
¹⁴Simeon did declare how at first God did look after to take out of the nations a people for His name,
¹⁵and to this agree the words of the prophets, as it hath been written:
¹⁶After these things I will turn back, and I will build again the tabernacle of David, that is fallen down, and its ruins I will build again, and will set it upright --
¹⁷that the residue of men may seek after the Lord, and all the nations, upon whom My name hath been called, saith the Lord, who is doing all these things.
¹⁸`Known from the ages to God are all His works;
¹⁹wherefore I judge: not to trouble those who from the nations do turn back to God,
²⁰but to write to them to abstain from the pollutions of the idols, and the whoredom, and the strangled thing; and the blood;
²¹for Moses from former generations in every city hath those preaching him -- in the synagogues every sabbath being read.'
²²Then it seemed good to the apostles and the elders, with the whole assembly, chosen men out of themselves to send to Antioch with Paul and Barnabas -- Judas surnamed Barsabas, and Silas, leading men among the brethren --
²³having written through their hand thus: `The apostles, and the elders, and the brethren, to those in Antioch, and Syria, and Cilicia, brethren, who [are] of the nations, greeting;
²⁴seeing we have heard that certain having gone forth from us did trouble you with words, subverting your souls, saying to be circumcised and to keep the law, to whom we did give no charge,
²⁵it seemed good to us, having come together with one accord, chosen men to send unto you, with our beloved Barnabas and Paul --
²⁶men who have given up their lives for the name of our Lord Jesus Christ --
²⁷we have sent, therefore, Judas and Silas, and they by word are telling the same things.
²⁸`For it seemed good to the Holy Spirit, and to us, no more burden to lay upon you, except these necessary things:
²⁹to abstain from things offered to idols, and blood, and a strangled thing, and whoredom; from which keeping yourselves, ye shall do well; be strong!'

Christian Homekeeper's Journal

2011-02-15T09:53:00.000-08:00

This week’s Homekeeper’s Journal is about Spring Time Plans.

In my kitchen, I plan to ….. prepare for Great Lent by doing some serious research on vegetarian high-protein, low carb, non-soy sources of protein. A Herculean task with not a lot of chance for success BUT, I vow to figure this out because my husband is going to be received into the Church and he needs to fast too!!

Plans with the children ….. Spending lots of time outside, either on nature walks, in parks, or working in our garden.

Plans with the husband ….. We want to take our annual anniversary trip this year in the same place we went to last year... except with half the budget. It can be done!

Plans for my house ….. Massive, MASSIVE declutter around this house. Following Simple Mom's guide to spring cleaning, now found in her newly published book Organized Simplicity .

Garden Plans ….. I am absolutely OBSESSED with having a productive garden this year. I know seeds are cheaper, but I think I'm going with plants that are already established. We're going to focus on crucifers, I think, because I need to eat as many of them as possible. My husband likes everything and my kids don't like any vegetables in general, so... crucifers it is! And tomatoes.

Other Plans ….. Continuing to count One Thousand Gifts. I can already see a difference in myself and in my daily perspective. I am so grateful to Ann Voskamp for her beautiful, challenging book. And to think, I was going to let that one pass me by!

I also want to start blogging again. Clearly, I'm starting off with memes, but hopefully I will feel confident enough in myself to write again. I don't want to be one of those bloggers that people look to for ideas and guidance. I've been that and the burden is too great for me. I so appreciate others, such as Alana, Laura, Katherine, Ann, Anne, Sh. Patty, Matushka Anna... They are able to present their ideas, their struggles, their theology, and their homes in a way that lifts people up, even when challenging them to think differently. I'm not there yet. In the past two years, my worldview has completely changed. I am a baby in the Faith again. I just want to soak in the inspiration and the challenge to live a godly life united to Christ. So what this blog will be, I'm not sure yet...

Multitude Monday

2011-02-14T19:29:00.000-08:00

11. My daughter's creative "fruit salad" recipes: apple, orange and yogurt. Mmmm....

12. Successful soup

13. God giving me the energy to complete a productive day with a good attitude

14. The Caramel Macchiato from Starbucks I enjoyed this afternoon

15. Mommy! Come and see how big I am!

16. The prospect of just a tad more wintery weather in sunny California

17. My cuddly dog

18. New inspiration

19. Dishes in the dishwasher and not the sink

20. Liver pain that reminds me to eat right and take my supplements!

Hatin' on Halloween?

2010-10-24T21:01:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd throw my hat in the ring here and post links to two exceptional, well-reasoned articles detailing the history of Halloween and a Christian response (albeit Western) to whether or not we should allow our children to participate in this American, secular, marketing-driven, non-holiday.

The Tricky Topic of Halloween

What About Halloween

Making Peace

2010-10-14T23:59:00.000-07:00

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God."

Matthew 5:9

Making peace is really hard. I am not a peaceful person. I like to pick fights, especially theological ones. When I believe something, I defend it voraciously and oftentimes, I have a hard time seeing past disagreements. I forget that the person with whom I am arguing is also an image-bearer of God and therefore worthy of my honor and respect. They may be wrong, but it isn't necessarily my place to tell them so. There is a VERY fine line to be drawn between standing up for the truth and keeping the peace. Probably 9.5 times out of 10, keeping the peace is more important.

I've been reading Jim Forrest's exceptional book, The Ladder of the Beatitudes, and his most lengthy chapter is on making peace. He quotes Presvytera Denise Jillions at length and I think her words are so appropriate here:

"To be a peacemaker, however tiny or great the issue and the stakes- I have in mind one of my sons being willing to let the other pour his orange juice first rather than fight over it- is always heroic, is always reminiscent of the cross and the sacrifice of Christ and his courage to appear weak. He could have called legions of angels to rescue him and fight at the moment, but instead he chose to ask the Father's forgiveness for his enemies. Being a peacemaker is hardly popular with people who are sparring to win, it really takes all the 'fun' out of it and can be denigrated as 'wimpy' or foolish. Also, being a peacemaker is different than being an 'appeaser,' not making waves, not standing up for truth. Just as the idea of 'keeping the peace' in a dysfunctional way be confused with being a peacemaker. On the other hand, choosing to deny oneself and avoid a conflict originating in willfulness and selfishness is also peacemaking, or rather, 'war prevention.' Its a hornet's nest."

~Ladder of the Beatitutdes, pg. 126, 127

Jim Forrest continues:

Sometimes Christ's peace seems especially absent among his followers. We don't simply disagree with one another on many topics, but we often despise those who hold what we regard as false or heretical views. Disagreement may be necessary- the defense of truth is a virtue- but hatred is a grave sin. Most often it isn't truth we battle for but opinion, vindication of our irritation with someone else, or just the desire to have things our own way.

~pg 127

May God have mercy on me! I've been guilty of this kind of "hatred" more times then I can count- even tonight! I don't want to be like that. I WANT to pray for my enemies. I WANT to love them and live at peace with them. Heck, most of my "enemies" are not enemies at all! They are just people who have made choices I don't agree with. But still, I am called to live in peace with them.

"Christ says we must love our enemies and pray for them. The two go together. You will never love anyone you don't pray for. Prayer opens a channel inside us to participate in God's love for the other person."

Far from loving our opponents, as Christ commands us to do, it often happens that we don't even respect them or try to understand them or consider that it may not be they who are wrong. Even if they happen to be dead wrong, there may be ways in which our attitude or response keeps them from changing their mind or way of life.

Our own failure to love is a major part of the problem.

~pg. 127 - 128

Does being a peacemaker mean being a pushover? In some cases, it probably does. I'm still learning how to be in this world. I'll probably spend the rest of my life trying to master the art of being a peacemaker and figuring out what that means in my day-to-day struggles. But it is so worth it... "for they shall be called children of God."

Where the Rubber Meets the Road

2010-10-07T20:54:00.000-07:00

I've been off meds for a few months now. The past few days have made me wonder if discontinuing them was such a good idea. I want to tough this out. I want to use the tools the Church has given to me work through this and to come around to the other side a stronger and more holy person. I will not let this master me.

God help me! Here is where the rubber meets the road.

My Blog Non-Stalker

2010-10-03T07:45:00.000-07:00

I've participated in a group blog for the past 3 years or so. When we first started blogging, we wanted to expose the false teaching of people we considered to be "patriocentrists"- people who believed that everything involved in family life should center around the father of the home. Children, especially daughters, could not have any interests of their own; they must make their father's interests their interests. Wives should center their daily agendas around the father's goals and needs and not the needs of the household. Daughters shouldn't go to college because they were needed at home to continue to assist their father in his agenda for them and for their home. For sons, college seems to be an okay option, but preferably he will join his father in the family entrepreneurial enterprise so that he will never have to assist another man outside the family in dominion-taking.

Patriocentrism isn't your average evangelical complementarianism. Its far, far to the right of that with an agenda that is ultimately legalistic, ungodly and dangerous. Our blog was our attempt to engage in the discussion and expose this false teaching and to figure out where we stood theologically.

Eventually, we got it all out of our system and stopped writing. I don't think where was a regular post on the blog for over a year until I opened it back up in July.

I started a series of posts highlighting the role that women Saints have played in the life of the Orthodox Church from the beginning. These women are routinely dismissed as non-normative or even rebellious jezebels because they did not marry, bear children, and keep sweet. Women as deaconesses or "equal-to-the-apostles?" May it never be! I understand that these saints ARE non-normative and that's why they are Saints. But the Church gives them to us as role-models and people we are to strive to emulate and become like, however that may work out in our own lives.

In order to do this, I had to confess my conversion to Orthodox Christianity. Not a big deal. I'm not ashamed of it, obviously. I actually received emails from people telling me they were interested in knowing more about the Church. Yay! I'm trying to help those people as best I can. Some people were very gracious in telling me that while they disagreed with the direction I took, they still respect the Church and consider me a sister in Christ.

But one person, who has loooooong hated us for reasons unknown, has got her panties in a wad over this whole thing. She actually started a whole blog where she can argue with herself about us. She regularly posts flat out factual LIES about us (i.e. my confessing Christian co-blogger is actually a secret Buddhist) ,as well as her conspiracy theories about how I've been Orthodox all along but I was trying to hide it. This is a person who refuses to accept the distinction between icons and statues. She is willfully ignorant about Orthodox Christianity- in this, I mean that she THINKS she knows what the Church teaches about a whole hosts of subjects and will not accept correction when documented evidence is provided to her which proves that she is incorrect.

Now, this woman is notorious in the whole blogosphere "patriarchy/patriocentricity" debate as being unstable and unteachable. She claims she was vilified on the blog a few years ago, but my co-bloggers and I can't find evidence of what she is talking about. This is where her grudge comes from. I wish I could help her in that or understand why she hates us so much.

(As an aside, I realize that I am getting a small taste of my own medicine here. We weren't always that kind on the blog either. I understand that and now I empathize with those people that we judged wrongly. It can be quite annoying, if not painful, to see your words twisted to mean something completely different than what you intended. And it never feels good to be unfairly judged. May God forgive me for those times I was guilty of that.)

This experience with her has been a particular refining tool for me because I sooooooo want to argue with her. I can't stand being lied about. I can't stand the blatant and intentional misrepresentation of the Church. But as I said in one of my posts- the Church has been around for 2,000 years and I don't need to defend it to someone who isn't going to hear me anyway. The information is out there and if people are foolish enough to take her word for it and not seek out the information for themselves, well, there isn't much I can do about that.

I believe God has called me to silence where this person is concerned. I want to love her. I want to be concerned for her welfare. At this point, I don't and am not. May God help me in this. Right now, I just want her to go away. Instead of torturing myself with clandestine visits to her blog, I banned myself. I even made it so that I can't physically see her blog even if I wanted to. And I feel tremendous peace about that.

I can relate to her in this: there was a time when I believed that I needed to proclaim "truth" at any cost. Even after being shown that I was wrong, I refused to accept it and I persisted in my error. Because TRUTH was more important than people or relationships or anything and it didn't matter who I steamrolled as long as the truth was out there.

Truth is important. I"m not saying we shouldn't proclaim truth at the risk of offending people. But deliberately offending people with what you think is the truth isn't the way to go about it. Hope that makes sense.

So, Lord, today in liturgy, let me pray along with my brothers and sisters for the who love me and those who hate me. And let me really mean it.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me!

Coming Around

2010-09-20T08:38:00.001-07:00

When I converted to Orthodox Christianity a year ago, I converted alone. My husband was facing some difficulties at the time, so I did not share my new thinking or my conversion with him at first. Of course, this turned out to be a big mistake. Instead of trusting him with the information, I assumed he wouldn't be able to handle it and I moved on full steam ahead toward joining the church.

How did he find out? My friend Heather gave me a small icon of Christ and I would have it out during my daily prayers. I put it away every day so my husband wouldn't see it- not because I thought he'd make me get rid of it or confront me about it. He was in the throws of a deep depression and I knew that he believed that icons were a violation of the Second Commandment. I didn't want to burden him with it. This is the honest truth. I was trying to protect him.

MISTAKE!!

One day, I left it out on accident. Obviously, he saw it, but he didn't say anything. I bought a few more icons at the Greek Festival and up at St. Sophia's. But I wasn't forthcoming about it. I tried to be Orthodox under the radar. Eventually, we talked about it. It shouldn't surprise anyone that this hurt him deeply. It has caused a real strain in our marriage. I totally see now that I was wrong to be discreet. In trying to do the right thing, I ended up hurting the person I love most in the world.

Over the past year, we've had our struggles. I started going to the inquirer's class at my church. We left our former church because of personal reasons not pertaining to Orthodoxy. Eventually, my husband and I met with my priest to talk about whether or not I would join the catechumenate. My husband gave me his blessing- and not just for me to join the Church, but for the children as well.

In spite of how I hurt him, he has never stood in my way, even if he wanted to and often, at his own personal expense. I now try to be especially sensitive to his needs and feelings when it comes to Church activities. I have never pressured him to become Orthodox, although he does attend Divine services with us. I don't want to write too much about where he is spiritually. Its not my place to write about him in public.

But rejoice with me! He has agreed to come to the inquirer's class at church! Honestly, I was certain that I blew any chance of him coming to the class because of the way I have handled things in the past. But he's coming. I can't believe it. God is so good. Please pray for him and for us. To have this rift in our lives together... to not be one united family is very difficult. To be chrismated apart from my husband was bittersweet. To see him, Lord willing, anointed with holy chrism will be a miracle and possibly my wildest dream come true.

We're not there yet. I don't want to jump the gun but I am hopeful.

The Homekeeper's Journal

2010-09-15T16:48:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel a bit of resentment when I don't get a weekend. My DH gets to lay around all weekend, but I still have to work. Its definitely lame that this bothers me. By God's mercy, I'll get over it!

Why is it so difficult for me to get the heck off the computer and do my housework?

1 Chronicles 16:11 tells me to commit to my prayer rule and to deliberately meet the Lord by praying the Hours.

1 Peter 5:8 warns me to be vigilant, especially in prayer, because Satan IS out to destroy me.

I am going to pray and ask for strength to thrive, not just survive, in my vocation as a wife and mother.

The difficult thing that seems to catch me constantly off guard is my martyr complex. I so need to get over myself. And when I really sit down and think about how self-obsessed I am, I become more and more disturbed.

James 1:12 tells me to endure temptation.

I am determined to get myself and my children off the computer!!

Multitude Monday

2010-09-13T11:14:00.002-07:00

1. My family is my greatest gift. I can hear my children playing as I write this. I can feel my husband's love as he works downtown. I am enveloped by the love of God as I am loved by my family.

2. A year ago, after being a Christian nearly all my life, I realized that God loves me. After spending ten years of my life believing I was just one of the lucky "frozen chozen", I realized that God loves everyone and that He desires a relationship with everyone... but a love relationship doesn't just go one way. We have to accept His love and we are able to do that because we are made in His image.

3. I am grateful I am able to homeschool freely.

4. My mattress topper is so wonderful. We got this thing seven years ago and I still love it. Never want to let it go. I'm actually able to sleep.

5. Coffee. Need I say more?

6. My church. St. Paul's Greek Orthodox Church has adopted my family and has loved us completely. They truly do "make love [their] aim."

7. Magic wrap skirts. Feminine. Hippy. Comfy. Airy. I'd throw out the rest of my wardrobe if I could as long as these skirts still remained. Love em.

8. Air conditioning. Its not that hot outside, but I'm hot. Being able to cool off the house so I'm not distracted by the discomfort I feel when I'm hot is a true blessing.

9. Advil. I have a headache again today. Again. And Advil will make it go away. Again.

10. The soft piano music playing on Ann Voskamp's blog. Brings me right back to center and reminds me how nice it is to have peace and quiet amongst the chaos.

Off Meds

2010-09-11T23:02:00.000-07:00

I realized this afternoon that everything I post here gets automatically posted on my Facebook account. Well, we'll see how long I leave that up. I don't want EVERYONE I know to know the truth about me.

And the truth is... I'm nuts. Honestly, most people already know this.

Nuts is probably too strong a word. I've suffered from depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder for years. About two years ago, I finally started taking medication for it. Honestly, this was the best thing I've ever done for myself. I could think. I could order my day. The anxiety stopped taking over and I was able, not just to function, but to thrive! It seemed a true miracle.

A year ago, another miracle happened. I converted to Orthodox Christianity. This conversion forever changed my life and for the better. I found a more holistic faith- one concerned with mind, soul, and body... a faith whose emphasis rests on the healing and restoration of the soul (aka- salvation) rather than on how many different ways you've offended God and how lucky you are that he arbitrarily loved you (and not the guy next to you) and decided to save you.

The Church has been called a hospital and its practices, the prescription. We all take the same "pills"- prayer, fasting, caring for the poor. Some take extra medicine which is specific for their own unique affliction.

What does this have to do with my crazy? A lot, actually. I don't want to take my meds anymore. I forget to take them regularly. I'm not a good pill person. I know I need to set my alarm and take them at the same time every day blah blah blah... but getting into that routine has proven ridiculously difficult for me.

So, I haven't taken them for over a week now. And guess what? I'm fine! I feel neither crushing depression or paralyzing anxiety. What I do feel is a greater awareness of my own sinful thoughts and attitudes. I know that I have a shorter temper with my loved ones. I know that I get offended a bit more easily. I know that its more difficult to turn off the snark.

But do I really need medication to take care of that stuff? I mean, medication in the form of a physical pill? Or can I accept the Church's medication and let that try to heal my soul. What I mentioned in the last paragraph- those are issues that a lot of non-depressed people struggle with. And, if they are seeking to grow in their love for God and/or for others, they find ways to deal with it.

So, I'm experimenting with myself. I have nothing against psychotropic meds. In fact, I'm a big fan of them for people who really need them. I could very well be one of those people and I have no problem going back on meds if I think I need to. But I am encouraged in this- my husband has been one of the biggest proponents of my meds. I'm very sensitive to them in that, if I miss a day, it is very noticeable. Mark can always tell if I haven't taken them because I go immediately from regular me to crazy me overnight.

Not this time though. He says I've been doing really well. I can feel his support. I draw comfort from him when I struggle and I think this brings us closer together.

I had a minor meltdown yesterday. I do get overwhelmed a bit more easily. We were trying to get out of the house and I was being pulled in five different directions. Multitasking is a bit of a challenge for me, but I'm learning. Anyway, I got overwhelmed and started to cry. I hid in my bedroom for 5 minutes and let it out. Somehow, I was able to calm down and get some perspective on what was happening. With Mark's help and encouragement (and unending patience!), I got up off my bed and finished what needed to be done.

I'm proud of that.

So, we shall see. Can a med-less life be done? Should it be done? I don't know. But I'm going to try and I think I'm on the right track.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner!

Still Working At It

2010-09-10T22:21:00.000-07:00

I got a wake up call from my doctor a few weeks ago. I can't be mostly vegan anymore. In fact, I probably shouldn't be a vegetarian anymore either. That. totally. blows! I had some tests for hypothyroidism and some other stuff. The only thing that came back abnormal was my cholesterol. Of course. I don't eat cholesterol but my body makes it by the gallon.

Basically, my doctor told me to go all Weston A. Price and eat bacon and butter and fermented grains. Butter? Yes. Bacon, No. I don't have anything against bacon or fish or any other kind of meat... I just can't imagine eating it. Its been so long. The idea of putting animal flesh in my mouth is abhorrent.

Don't get me wrong- if you eat meat, AWESOME! I just can't do it.

So, I'm trying to figure out how to nourish myself the vegetarian way... but with a lot of butter and yogurt thrown into the mix. I started a blog to keep track of my journey: The Nourishing Vegetarian

I'm still working at this whole health and wellness thing. I have a good feeling about this new direction. I've hired a Holistic Nutritionist to help me out... AND, she's Orthodox. Woohoo! Her blog is called Organic and Thrifty. I'll be documenting that process over on The Nourishing Vegetarian as well.

Lord, have mercy!

Do the Next Thing

2010-08-18T17:33:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling crappy for weeks now. No energy. Headaches every day. Can't eat much. Feeling nauseated without being preggers. Can't lose weight no matter what I do. Can't concentrate. It pretty much sucks. I know there are people who have it way worse than me, so I really shouldn't be complaining. And I don't think I am. I'm just saying that something isn't right inside this ole body of mine. I'm getting tests and I am just praying that they show something. We shall see.

I'm trying to finish today strong. Laundry calls. School starts next week so I need to spend some time planning our ridiculously ambitious lessons. At least dinner is already made. All I want to do is lie down and watch MI-5, my new obsession.... oh, AND write a post about my appreciation for the pastey-white Englishman.

But I'm a wife and a mom. I can get away with slowing down a little, but I can't stop entirely if, for no other reason than I don't want a bigger mess to clean up when I'm better. The most I can do is beg for God's mercy and put one foot in front of the other.

What is that Elizabeth Elliot quote? "Do the next thing." This shall be my mantra for the rest of the day.

Their Feet Were Not at Home

2010-08-17T20:06:00.000-07:00

“Now it came to pass, afterward, that He went through every city and village, preaching and bringing the glad tidings of the kingdom of God. And the twelve were with Him, and certain women who had been healed of evil spirits and infirmities- Mary called Magdelene, out of whom had come seven demons, and Joanna the wife of Chuza, Herod’s steward, and Susanna, and many others who provided for Him from their substance.”

Luke 8:1-3

A few weeks ago, we commemorated the Feast of Saint Mary Magdalene, the Myrrh-bearer and Equal-to-the-Apostles. The Church’s lectionary for today includes the reading above. Luke speaks of Mary, Joanna, and Susanna by name, as well as “many others” who provided for Christ from their own substance. The typical explanation that I’ve heard is that these women supported Jesus financially. Obviously, they left their homes and followed Him, just as his male disciples did. Some of them, like Joanna, had husbands and the Holy Scriptures make no mention of these men being disciples of Jesus. Why didn’t Jesus tell these women to go home and have a quiverfull of children?

Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin state that we have no examples of female missionaries in the Bible:

“We should give godly people honor for the worthy things they did and learn from their examples. But we should recognize that these godly women do not in fact feature in the Bible.” So Much More, pg. 262

Here, they are talking about contemporary female missionaries and how they went about doing a good thing in the wrong way. In other words, God can work good through sin. They go on to state that we do not see female missionaries in the Bible. Am I misunderstanding the quote? They seem to ignore Church history with this statement as we know of many “biblical” women who went on to proclaim the Good News or to serve Christ’s Church in a position of leadership:

Mary the Mother of God, Mary Magdelene, Joanna, Susanna, Photini (the Samaritan woman at the well), Priscilla, Junia, Salome, Mary and Martha of Bethany, and Phoebe the Deaconess to name a few.

And they certainly ignore the hundreds of women canonized by the Church within its first 1,000 years of existence. Part of what I am trying to do here is to show that women played a major role in the founding of the Church, its spread, and its continued existence.

Such emphasis is placed on varying points in history where women behaved as patriocentrists think they should- the Reformation, the Victorian and Edwardian eras, the Antebellum South… but like it or not, there WAS a church before Martin Luther came on the scene. I would like to see any patriocentrist stand before any one of the women I’ve mentioned here and tell them that their lives flew in the face of the “gospel-centered doctrine of biblical patriarchy.” Tell that to those women whom Christ allowed to travel with Him and fund His ministry. Tell that to those women whom the Apostles’ sent out as missionaries or ordained as deaconesses. Tell that to the women who were in the Upper Room on the Day of Pentecost and received the Holy Spirit and spoke in tongues in the same manner as the men.

Now, I am NOT trying to argue that any of these women were egalitarian feminists or that they would even agree with either side of the whole comp/egal debate. Not at all! What I am trying to say is that they don’t fit the patriarchal paradigm. They would likely be rejected by these patriarchal groups or cast aside as “non-normative.”

I like what Anne has to say about this- “I refuse to make women something less than my God does.” He made some of them “equal-to-the-apostles.” The Twelve made some of them missionaries and deaconesses. The Holy Spirit made some of them martyrs.

We are all members of One Body and we are not all meant to be the same body part. I think its a shame that patriarchalists think women should all be the same body part while men fill in all the other body parts. I guess I missed that section in Paul’s epistles.

Kristen's Raw Giveaway!

2010-07-13T10:19:00.000-07:00

As some of you know, I'm a wannabe raw foodist and I LOVE Kristen Suzanne's blog: Kristen's Raw. I've never made a recipe of hers that I didn't LOVE! She's doing a giveaway of ALL of her ebooks. What a tremendous resource!! Enter here:

http://tiny.cc/rmb39

From Iconoclast to Iconophile

2010-07-08T21:45:00.001-07:00

I originally wrote this blog post back in November of last year, so its a little out of date. However, to change anything in the post would betray the flavor and the feeling of what I wrote. So here goes:

Kursk-Root Icon (c. 13th Century)

I used to be a pretty hardcore iconoclast. I believed that any image, whether carved, painted, sculpted, or “written” was a violation of the Second Commandment. The commandment does not simply forbid the worship of images, but their very making as well. I’d go over to Heather’s house and feel all uncomfortable because she had so many “idols” hanging around. I was mortified that she had her children color line drawings of icons. I was content with the barren, white walls of my Reformed church, but at the same time, acutely aware of the double standard when it came to flannel graphs and illustrated Bibles used in Sunday School.

Of course, my iconoclasm formed completely out of ignorance and a prideful unwillingness to consider the actual Orthodox teachings regarding icons.

If you invited me to venerate an icon of the Theotokos back in July, I would have laughed in your face and been offended by the invitation. But God has worked a wonder in my heart and in my mind. He has changed my mind, about everything, but most especially, the beautiful spiritual reality of icons.

Heather visited me one night soon after I started really considering Orthodoxy. She showed me images of weeping icons and I watched in awe. There is no scientific explanation for the phenomenon. An icon is simply wood and paint (or a print with glue). The wood is not so thick so as to hide some kind of mechanical doo-dad used to make the icon spew myrrh. They just do it. God performs a miracle. Its as simple as that. I found myself very impressed by weeping icons. They actually testified to me of the truth of Orthodoxy, in a small but significant way.

The other day, I found out about the Kursk Root icon which was being venerated at the Serbian Orthodox Church in Irvine. Not a weeping icon, but a wonder-working icon! And this icon is old- 750 years and maybe more. As I read about its history, I became more and more intrigued. I knew I had to see it (cuz its old!) and to venerate it (cuz its holy!).

I arrived at this little mission church last night and quickly found myself surrounded by Orthodox Christians of all stripes- Serbians, Russians, Greeks, Antiochians, some head covering, most not, priests in cassocks with big bushy beards, male laity with big bushy beards, children, babies, families, people with bags of icons for blessing, folks from St. Paul’s, non-English speakers, the elderly… we all had one thing in common: devotion to the Theotokos. God has healed many people, spiritually and physically, by using this icon, including St. Seraphim of Serov. I was overwhelmed to be there.

The clergy and choir performed (I know that’s not the right word, but I’m not sure what else to use) the Akathist Hymn to the Theotokos. I’ve never heard this service before, but I understood from Heather that its just beautiful. And it is. I can’t really describe the affect that hearing this service had on my heart… but for the first time, I felt real genuine love for the Theotokos. I felt that I knew her. I felt real devotion.

And to be surrounded by people who had such an incredible understanding of what it meant to be in the presence of this incredible piece of church history- something that God has used for 700 years to heal people and to forge a deeper spiritual connection. Some people cried during the Akathist. Many people bowed before this icon and lay their heads upon it when they stood to kiss it.

The whole evening was incredibly moving for me. I am so glad I went. I was able to go alone which meant that I didn’t have to run after kids and that I could actually concentrate and pray during the service. I only wish I had known to bring my icons or my prayer rope to be laid upon the icon and blessed.

Even as I write this, I am stunned by my own words. The Lord has brought me so far these past three months. I am completely shocked. I can honestly say that, for the first time in my life, I actually have a real relationship with God. I know that He loves me. I am certain of it. I now know the plan he has for my life- to be united with Him and commune with Him. When I pray, I believe he is listening. There is a purpose and a fervency to my prayers that has never before been present. When I was a Calvinist, I saw no point to prayer. Why pray? It doesn’t change anything. We pray because God commanded us to, but it really has no effect on anything.

I am ashamed to have once believed that. I do not know how I lived without regular prayer.

My deepest desire is to join the Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church this upcoming Pascha. My most fervent prayer is for my husband to come alongside me and that we can raise our children in the Church. I long to be a full member of Christ’s Church- to consume His Body and Blood… Heather said to me a few weeks ago: “You know, we have never ever had the Eucharist. We have never truly taken communion.” Those words pierced my soul because she was right.

As time goes on, as I learn and experience more, and as I see how my life and spirit have changed as a result of embracing Orthodoxy, I become more and more certain of its truth. This is the Church. I must be there.

O Most Holy Mother of God, intercede with your son on my behalf! You know my heart, O Mother of all Christians. I desire with all that is in me to be united with your Son. Pray for me!

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on us.

Learning to Love the Mother of God

2010-07-08T21:36:00.000-07:00

If you’ve read my story below about the loss of my first child six years ago now, you’ll know how deeply her death affected me. It was really the catalyst for a lot of mental and emotional rewiring in my heart and in my head. I haven’t been the same since. There is no pain in the world like losing a child, especially when there isn’t a darn thing you can do about it. No matter how much you pray, no matter what you decide, no matter what treatments the doctors try to give, the prognosis will always be death. I wouldn’t wish the kind of pain we went through on my worst enemy.

No parent should have to bury their child.

Just over a year later, my very oldest and best friend went through the same thing with her latest pregnancy. The diagnosis for her baby was terminal as well. She had to bury her most beloved and wanted baby Sarah. I’d just passed the year anniversary of my own daughter’s death and to go through this with my best friend was absolutely devastating. If I wouldn’t wish this pain on my worst enemy, imagine how it feels to have your best friend go through this hell.

No parent should have to bury their child.

A little over a month after Sarah’s death, my dad died. My very dear, beloved grandma (my dad’s mom) told us both (my friend and me) that now she understood the pain we felt when we lost our children. She had to bury her son. She was like us now… a loss mom.

There is an emptiness in the heart of a loss mom that no words can describe…

Fast forward nearly six years… The walls of my hardened heart have collapsed and I am an open vessel, willing and ready to embrace Orthodoxy with my heart and soul. But there was Mary, venerated and adored by the Orthodox, something my Calvinistic sensibilities still fought against, even though I no longer held to those beliefs.

There she was- the Mother of God. The new Ark of the Covenant. The second Eve. The ideal Christian- the one who first fully embraced Christ for who he was, heart and soul. She, who contained God in her womb! More honorable than the Cherubim and more glorious beyond compare than the Seraphim. How could I possibly relate to this most blessed of women?

It hit me one day as I meditated on her. She had lost her own Son. She, who had nursed him, comforted him, taught him, fed him, sang him to sleep every night… he died. She knew it was going to happen. She didn’t try to stop Him. She simply treasured her knowledge in her heart. She loved Him more than anything or anyone in the world. Even though she knew He would rise again on the third day, she stood at the foot of His cross and wept. She saw His pain and prayed for him.

Mary, the blessed Theotokos, buried her child… as my grandma buried hers… as my best friend buried hers… as I buried mine.

Mary knows what it is like to lose a child and yet hope in the resurrection. She is a loss mom, like me. And she is now so very dear. She is teaching me so much of grief, hope, and perseverance. Even though Jesus is alive, he had ascended into heaven and she was left to live out the rest of her days without her precious son. In a way, she still lost him. But she continued on. She ministered to people. She told people of her hope and her joy. She is much beloved and has so much to teach all of us who have suffered this kind of pain.
Thank you, O Theotokos, for the life of faith you lived and for the strength you showed all of those who came to know you. Pray for us loss moms, you who understand our hearts. Hold our dear, departed children in your arms, O Mother of God, for they have found a home in you.

A Skeptic Encounters a Miracle

2010-06-20T17:46:00.001-07:00

Today I experienced something rare and blessed.

In general, I am a skeptic of modern day miracles, even within the context of the Orthodox faith I have embraced. I think my Reformed heritage has caused me to approach such claims with pause and a desire to either prove the miracle was a fake or that there was some explanation other than God behind it. The term "miracle" is so overused in modern America and, indeed, all over the world. I think we are right to be skeptical.

Last September, I was introduced to the miracle of the myrrh-streaming icon. Heather showed me pictures on google of these icons that "weeped" myrrh, or some substance like it. These icons are heavily examined before they are revealed to the people. There is no explanation for why myrrh seems to exude from these icons. I can't imagine how it could be faked, although I'm sure it has been. But the ones I saw looked real enough and that actually made a pretty big impression on me.

But still... "I'll believe it when I see it," I thought.

Today, I saw it. There is a rather famous copy of the icon "Mother of God of Iveron" that started to stream myrrh in Hawaii several years ago. This icon is truly rare because it is not even painted- it is a print that is decoupaged onto wood. The icon has been streaming myrrh for over ten years. It is kept in a case so that those who venerate it don't end up kissing oily myrrh. At the end of the services, the icon is taken out of its case and swabbed with cotton or Qtips, depending on who is doing the swabbing. The oily myrrh is then used to bless those who have come to see this miracle.

Although the scent is not so strong now, I still smell of roses.

Here is something I love about the Orthodox Church: miracles like this are not hidden away so that only the privileged few can see them. In a sense, these miracles belong to the people and not just one person. We are the Church, the Body of Christ. We are the keepers of this great heritage, the Faith once for all delivered to the saints. This icon is brought to churches all over the world. The church I visited today is so small that its basically a room in a corporate business park. But the faithful gather week after week to participate in the Divine Liturgy and to receive the Eucharist. And we were all blessed by the Mother of God through this icon.

I have provided a link that tells the story of this icon if anyone is interested:

http://www.orthodoxhawaii.org/icons.html

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah...

2010-05-26T16:19:00.000-07:00

I wish I could just sit for a while... sit undistracted and in the quiet. I guess that my vacation will take care of this, but I sure do want to indulge this fantasy right about now.

I need to eat.

I need to not be depressed. I need to up my meds I think because I am truly over feeling this way. A call to the doctor is in order.

I don't want my babies to see me this way. I'm doing my best, with God's mercy. Trying to stifle the urge to go shopping which is what I tend to do when I'm depressed.

Our Hope

2010-05-16T23:54:00.000-07:00

For those with chronic mental illness, the struggle never goes away. I've been on medication for over 2 years now. Being on the meds keeps me steady. I look at it this way- my brain starts out with a deficit of neutransmitters. The meds make my brain produce the right number. So basically, taking meds makes me normal.

But sometimes, even the meds don't help like they should.

Like today.

I sure hope I feel better tomorrow, otherwise its going to be a very long day.

I once heard one of the Patriarchs of our church say that Christians must be optimists. That makes total sense to me. Of course, being a pessimist and a cynic by nature, I find this incredibly difficult, in spite of what I believe.

Now I know I must apply myself all the more diligently to my ascetic practices for they are God's means of refining our souls and uniting us with Him. If that is my hope, then how can I be pessimistic?

Honestly, I just want peace- in my mind, in my soul, in my relationships... I want to love others. By loving others, I hope to look past myself and apply my efforts and my thoughts to showing others that they are loved. How can loving others not bring peace?

Through the Prayers of our Holy Fathers...

2010-05-16T14:34:00.000-07:00

Today, we commemorate the Fathers of the First Ecumenical Council (aka the Council of Nicea). This council established as part of the doctrine of the Church the teaching that Jesus Christ is "true God of true God" and "Begotten, not created, of one essence with the Father." The Fathers also condemned the Arian heresy. I thank God for these courageous men. We Christians are forever in your debt!

Kontakion

"The Church was strengthened into one faith through the preaching of the Apostles and the doctrines of the Fathers. The Church is robed in truth woven of the word of God from above. It teaches truth, and glorifies the great mystery of faith."

Ascension!

2010-05-14T10:23:00.000-07:00

So, we celebrated the Holy Ascension yesterday, but I'm posting the icon anyway, along with the Troparion of the Feast:

O Christ God, You have ascended in Glory,
Granting joy to your disciples by the promise of the Holy Spirit.
Through the blessing they were assured
That You are the Son of God,
The Redeemer of the World!

~ Troparion, Tone 4
The Ascension of Our Lord

Confessing the Conversion

2010-05-14T09:38:00.000-07:00

So, obviously I haven't blogged in a while. I've thought about it, but it never seemed to be the right time. I took a look at the ole' blog this morning and found that I stopped blogging right before a very significant event happened in my life. I'm going to confess it here, publicly, for the first time and then I'm going to tell my story.

Should be interesting, hopefully, for the two people who follow my blog. Of course, they are probably the two people who already know this story.

Anyway, here goes:

On April 3, 2010, my children and I were received into the Holy Orthodox Church by chrismation.

The story of this journey begins in August of last year. I wrote this story for a private blog I kept with a friend of mind, and this was originally posted in September 2009.

Up until a month or two ago, I would have said that I’d die for Calvinism and for the “five solas” of the Reformation. I could waver on just about any other doctrine in Scripture, but if you take away man’s radical depravity, God’s election of his people based on nothing but his mercy and love, Christ’s atonement as sufficient for all but effective only for the elect, the Holy Spirit’s regeneration prior to faith in Christ, and the perseverance of Christ’s people, you would leave me with nothing on which to stand or live. Calvisnism was biblical and that was all the criteria I needed for my belief. I could see it clearly, point by point, and I was willing to give my life for those truths.

You can imagine, then, how I felt when that foundation was knocked out from under me. No one person is responsible. I look at my journey as a series of events, providentially ordered to bring me to where I am now- a Christian desirous to “come home” to the true, authentic church.

The Journey Begins

Calvinism saved my life. My belief in God’s absolute and utter sovereignty kept me from taking my own life when the Lord called home my firstborn before she ever drew breath. “And we know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 is inscribed on Grace’s marker. God’s purpose, albeit unknown to me, was to work for my good. I hated that fact, but it kept me alive… well, breathing, at least.

The Canons of Dordt give believing parents assurance that those children who are lost in infancy will be with the Lord:

Article 17: The Salvation of the Infants of Believers

Since we must make judgments about God’s will from his Word, which testifies that the children of believers are holy, not by nature but by virtue of the gracious covenant in which they together with their parents are included, godly parents ought not to doubt the election and salvation of their children whom God calls out of this life in infancy.

I clung to that belief with all that was in me. I would see my precious, innocent child again- whole and living and vibrant. I could continue to breathe because she was held safely in the arms of my Savior- her Savior.

Just over a year later, three months after my next child was born- my father died an agonizing death from pancreatic cancer. He died the very death he feared for years- helpless, delerious, and out of control of his own body. I would be lying if I said that didn’t make me angry at God. Not only did He allow my dad to get a very painful and debilitating, incurable cancer, but He allowed Dad to die in what he thought was the worst way possible. Dad had peace when he died. He said he knew he would see us again in the twinkling of an eye, but he was still leaving us.

We were all with him when he died. As he drew his last breath, I realized that he was not only face to face with our resurrected and living Savior, but that he was seeing his own grandchild as well, living, vibrant, and whole. How blessed he was at that moment!

Several times between that day of his death and when we laid him to rest in the cemetery, I prayed that God would raise him. I was the last person to touch his flag-draped coffin and as I placed my hands on it and knelt down, I prayed again that he would be raised and that this nightmare would end. I begged and I cried. And the Lord said no. I remembered God’s promise to raise him on the last day. I made my peace, and I left.

The deaths of these two people affected me profoundly, as I’m sure is obvious. I tell these stories, not to be a downer, but because they are such an integral part of my journey.

I confess- I had an emotional connection to Reformed theology. It gave me peace during a time when my mind and my soul were in absolute upheaval. But it was so much more than that. I really believed this theology to be true and completely biblical. I despised Romanism and American Evangelicalism all in the same breath. I could put up a fair defense for Calvin’s “five points.” I picked battles with evangelicals just to stir the pot. Just your typical amateur Calvinist…

The presupposition for all these beliefs is that the Bible is the sole, sufficient, infallible Word of God in matters of faith and practice. Sola Scriptura is often called the article on which the Reformation stands or falls. To be honest- I took sola scriptura for granted. I never did a great study of the subject. I knew that Popes and councils had erred. I believed that if Scripture and Tradition held equal weight ideologically, than practically, Scripture had to be subservient to Tradition- and it is, in the Roman system. There is nothing to prevent a current pope or the Roman Magisterium from changing their minds about anything. To me, believing in Scripture and Tradition meant you had to check your mind at the door. Why bother studying the Bible when there are numbers of books/canons/councils et al to tell you what it means? It never occurred to me to look at Scripture and Tradition from an Orthodox perspective. I stubbornly held on this critical and crucial doctrine, probably even more strongly than I held to Calvinism.

My former church is pretty intellectual. I’ve brought many a friend to worship there who has never returned because it is so heady. Oftentimes, the heart is neglected, in spite of the emphasis placed on the Eucharist as a means of grace. But most of us know what we believe and why we believe it. To the naked eye, we appear to be solidly Reformed and completely Protestant.

Imagine my shock, then, when my friend Lara let me in on her “dirty little secret”: She was studying Orthodoxy and not just for fun. Initially, this little foray into “the dark side” didn’t really concern me all that much. “Each one must be convinced in his own mind,” I thought. If she didn’t believe Reformed theology anymore, who was I to argue?

That sentiment didn’t last long. I tried to argue. I tried to convince her, but it’s very difficult to present a defense against something you know nothing about. I got frustrated and emotional (as I tend to do when my friends decide to convert to “false religions”) and, in the end, Lara and I agreed to stop talking theology for a while. But I couldn’t let it go, at least in my own mind, so I started researching. I listened to podcasts. I read. I studied the history of the Seven Ecumenical Councils. I found Ancient Faith Radio. I didn’t think any of the stuff I was learning was making much of a dent, but I now see that the Holy Spirit was chipping away ever so slightly as the days and months went by. Chip, chip, chip…

My usual MO when I find I can’t make a defense for something I say I believe is to study that belief even harder. I can’t defend Sola Scriptura? Is the Scripture and Tradition argument sounding much more plausible? Well, then, my understanding of sola scriptura must be wrong and I need to study up in order to strengthen my own beliefs. It didn’t really occur to me that no one before the 1500’s believed in this doctrine. And I am quite embarrassed to say that I never really connected the fact that the earliest New Testament writings were not composed until at least 30 years after the ascension of Christ… and yet the church was still worshipping. Chip, chip, chip…

And then I found Molly Sabourin- young mother of four, convert from evangelical Protestantism, scattered and continually trying to improve herself. She is transparent with her own trials and tribulations and she is such an encouragement. I tried to ignore all the religious stuff and just focus on the mommy wisdom. Not possible. I longed for liturgical life- to celebrate the feasts and seasons, to fast and pray in the way that Molly describes. I tried to integrate some kind of Protestant version of this life, but to no avail. I basically had to adopt someone else’s made up, wannabe Orthodox version of a Protestant liturgical year based on the Book of Common Prayer and Anglican saints. This model wasn’t through the Anglican church though, so it carried no real authority. And yet Orthodoxy had been around and practicing the Faith in basically the same way for 1700 years. So, I fasted on Wednesdays and Fridays. I committed to a Rule of Prayer. I researched teaching my children about the saints (with a focus on those found within the pages of Scripture). Chip, chip, chip…

I listened to numerous podcast and a number of them stood out for me. One such podcast was an interview of Father James Bernstein- one of the founding members of Jews for Jesus. Now, I’d been involved with Jews for Jesus when I was a student at Biola. In fact, that organization was instrumental in maintaining my faith during a “dark night of the soul.” I love Judaism and Jewish culture. I really love Messianic Jewish culture in particular because they see fulfillment by Christ in everything while holding on to a lot of their beautiful, cultural distinctives. I thought I might even make a career of Jewish evangelism in Israel. God had other plans for me, but I still hold a deep affection for the Jewish people and Jewish believers in Y’shua.

Imagine my shock when Fr. Bernstein talked about his own journey to Orthodox Christianity. He was born an Orthodox Jew in Israel and then emigrated to America. Maintaining an Orthodox Jewish life is a lot more difficult here and as he grew older, he grew more and more nominal. Somehow, he converted to Christianity and helped Moshe Roisen found Jews for Jesus. When he made contact with Orthodox Christianity, he found an even greater expression of the fulfillment of OT prophecy and worship in their liturgical worship. I’d long believed that we had lost a lot of continuity with our Jewish roots. After all, the first Christians were Jewish- do we really expect that they abandoned the only form of worship they had ever known in order to create something brand new? That would be impossible! They knew the Messiah because of their worship- because they held fast to the traditions of their own faith. And so, as time went on in the early church and worship developed, the people found filled in all the shadows of temple worship with their fulfillments in Christ. When Fr. Bernstein found this, he knew he had found his home. His testimony was incredibly powerful to me. He really did connect the Orthodox Church to the first Christians and that idea stays with me even to this day as I learn more and more. Chip, chip, chip…

Now, Lara had no idea any of this was going on. She continued on her own path, which seemed to be leading her closer and closer to actual chrismation in the church. We’d have conversations here and there- civil and challenging. I went my way. She went hers. Little did I know we would end up in the same darn place!

At some point, Lara and I began having conversations about Orthodoxy here and there. I could feel my resolve weakening. So much of what she said made sense and I agreed with a lot of it. Never before had I been dissatisfied with Reformed theology or our church specifically, but once I really understood the holistic nature of Orthodoxy, I found a big, gaping hole in the foundation of my faith.

I wanted to attend a service with Lara, but my husband wasn’t too keen on the idea. He didn’t want me giving “tacit approval” to Lara and her husband's probable conversion. Well, since I couldn’t go to a service, I thought maybe I could just get in and see the inside of the church. So, I cleverly orchestrated a meeting down at St. Paul’s on September 1^st, with the secret hope that I would get a peek inside. We were all going to the beach anyway, and I saw no reason for the my friends to drive all the way up to Brea just so we could drive all the way down to the coast once again. This provided the excuse, er, reason to drive all the way down to Irvine.

We drove in just as the they were walking out to the parking lot. The kids each had icons in their hands (St. Paul and St. Katherine). I was… unsettled… but tried to keep my cool. Lara handed me a few bits of Blessed Bread, which I promptly handed to my children. I could feel my Reformed blood racing through my veins. As curious as I was, I still thought of myself as a good Calvinist who would never EVER let go.

Lara asked me if I wanted to see inside the church. Jackpot! I agreed and Lara's husband took me inside.

My five senses were immediately hit. I could smell the incense… a very distinctive smell, by the way, and one that I remembered from my brief tour of the Holy Sepulchre in Jerusalem. I could see all the beautifully lit candles in the knave and the icons of St. Paul and Mary on either side of the doors. Mr. Husband crossed himself a few times between the narthex and the knave. At this time, I didn’t know that he was planning to convert, but I knew that this church was “for real” for him. I kept thinking about the appropriateness of my pastor worshiping in this place… but I tried to set it all aside and really learn.

Mr. Husband showed me all the elements inside- the altar, iconostasis, the incredible dome. For some reason, the dome really struck me. Seeing Christ as King looking down on the church- it became apparent that He was the person the Orthodox worship and not Mary. She may be the first icon you see, but she is placed there as an example of how our lives need to be, with Christ at the very center.

I felt out of place and yet strangely at home.

That night, somehow, Mr. Husband and I started chatting on Facebook. We talked about a wide range of things- sola scriptura, justification, salvation… and the Saints. Now, I really didn’t have a problem with the idea that the Saints pray for us. I didn’t understand the idea from an Orthodox perspective at all, but the idea of asking for their intercession in the same way that I would ask for the intercession of my family and friends for whatever need seemed reasonable.

My grandma, a cradle Roman Catholic, has prayed out of the same prayer book every single day for at least my entire life. Mr. Husband asked me why she would stop praying for us once she reached heaven. Surely she could pray more fully when in the presence of Christ.

So true.

And then I asked probably one of the most important questions of my life- the answer to which really sent me into a tailspin. Here is where the walls of my Reformed heart tumbled down and turned to dust.

“Do you think my dad and my daughter are praying for me?”

Mr. Husband's answer: “I would be certain of it.”

Remember how the deaths of my daughter and my dad profoundly affected my theology and made me hold on even more tightly to God’s absolute and unwavering sovereignty? Remember how the only way I could accept their deaths was by trusting that God somehow had a plan for my good? Suddenly, that didn’t seem to be enough anymore, but in a good way! Their Christian lives were carrying on even now! To know that my beloved family is praying for us night and day- that brought me such comfort. I can’t explain it. I really wish I could understand how this particular issue pulled down the stubborn strongholds of my faith and allow me to see Orthodoxy for what it is and not for how it is different from “the true faith.” I’d wanted to believe or just to begin to learn without being critical. I finally had a reason that I could live with. Somehow, in this faith, my loved ones didn’t seem to be so far away. To know that we are worshiping with them in the Divine Liturgy, to know that we are participating with them in the Marriage Supper of the Lamb as we commune and they are separated from us only because we cannot see them or hear them… I had to know more! I’m getting ahead of myself here though…

The next day, I was panicked. I have real and true obsessive-compulsive disorder and when I don’t take my meds, things get a bit worse. “What if I’m wrong? Will I lose my salvation? What about my children? Am I turning my back on the truth? Does that mean I never truly believed? Am I going to hell? What if I convert and my children and husband convert and this is the wrong choice? Have I just made a decision that will send THEM to hell?”

Now, these are legitimate questions when posed by a rational mind. However, when a person is having an “OCD attack” for lack of a better word, well, let’s just say that it makes for one ugly day.

I needed to talk with Mr. Husband again, but this time, face to face. I needed a certain kind of counseling here, the pastoral kind, even in the midst of our conversation about Orthodoxy. I needed to hear that I did not need to worry about “losing my salvation.” I needed to hear again how sola scriptura is a 16^th century invention and how the church viewed itself for its first 1500 years. Somehow, I knew there was no turning back. I had to know more. Lara and Mr. Husband loaned me a bunch of books. I started reading… and reading… and reading…

The walls had come down. The floodgates were open. I was now a sponge, soaking up anything and everything I could find. I didn’t know what I believed anymore. I had to set aside everything I’d ever learned in order to allow Orthodoxy to paint on a clean canvas.

And it is a beautiful painting…

Friday Fill-Ins

2009-08-07T10:16:00.000-07:00

1. Iced Coffee is my favorite summertime drink.

2. My favorite John Hughes movies is Ferris Buehler's Day Off.

3. A super soft baby blanket is something I love to touch.

4. The full moon reminds me about what's possible.

5. I'm very tired and wondering if my meds are working right now.

6. When daylight fades all I want to do is chill.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to chilling, tomorrow my plans include reading many books and Sunday, I want to celebrate my nephew's birthday!

To participate in Friday Fill-Ins or to read more please click on the graphic above.

Doubles the Crap

2009-08-05T21:51:00.001-07:00

Will I ever stop being a total frak-up?

Seriously.

This day started out so well... but like a lot of days that start out well, it ended with me frakking something up.

Again.

Day after day after day.

How's that for recovery, eh? Its a downward spiral, an infinite regress, this pessimism. You screw something up. You feel like crap. You then realize that you should have better perspective on everything, so you feel bad about feeling like crap. It just doubles the crap you feel.

And it never ends.

Thank God for meds.

Kitchen Tip Tuesday

2009-08-04T23:59:00.000-07:00

This week's kitchen tip is so exciting... I could barely wait to put it up! If you like iced coffee, but you don't want to shell out four bucks at Starbucks, try this tip: Freeze extra coffee in ice cube trays to make delicious and free iced coffee in the afternoon.

Here's how you do it- Make extra coffee in the morning. When you're done with your hot cup, turn off the pot. Free the leftovers in ice cube trays, reserving some of the coffee for cooling in the fridge. When the cubes are hardened and you're ready for the afternoon pick-me-up, just fill your cup with the coffee ice cubes and reserved coffee and PRESTO! Undiluted, yummy iced coffee for pennies!!

Friday Fill-Ins

2009-07-24T18:45:00.000-07:00

1. Not being at Comic Con tomorrow is not the end of the world.

2. Sitting here, listening to the sound of rain falling, I dream of returning to the beautiful Lake District and walk the Loop again.

3. Vegan Cinnamon Bun Ice Cream tastes so good!

4. Sometimes, putting others first is easy.

5. Childbirth is breathtaking, really.

6. Well, maybe there is a way I can get all my laundry done tonight.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to going to bed, tomorrow my plans include going to San Diego and seeing Bear in concert and Sunday, I want to recuperate!

It's What's For Dinner!

2009-07-22T09:52:00.000-07:00

-Three Packet Pot Roast made in the slow-cooker with onions and carrots

-Garlic Mashed Potatoes

-Green Salad

It's What's For Dinner!

Petty Squabbles

2009-07-21T22:42:00.001-07:00

You know, I have to say that I am pretty darn sick of petty squabbles between Christians. All this name-calling and rabid desire to call people out for stuff they write. Its as though people cannot resist having the last word on things.

I used to be one of those people.

Don't they ever get exhausted?

All this back and forth- blog posts and comments and defenses and point-by-point interactions with every single line, telling people to grow up, and just being deliberately mean. Were I an unbeliever gazing at some of the crap I witnesses today in the blogosphere, I'd have run away fast, shaking my head and telling myself that if this is the way Christians behave towards EACH OTHER, why in heck would I want to join their club?

I think blogging is a fantastic medium. Don't get me wrong about that. I have two blogs... well, more than that, but I don't write on them... but sometimes I feel like blogging was the worst thing to ever happen to Christian women.

When else have Christians been able to behave so immaturely, so uncharitably, and not be held accountable for it?

Now, I am not above reproach here. No siree Bob... but I've repented and no longer engage in that kind of thing. I still attack issues, but I try to stay away from people as much as possible. That's why I don't write about a certain Anti-Feminist Matriarch on WWF anymore. Its very difficult to keep posts about her away from the personal because so much of what she writes betrays the kind of person she is. (Did I cross some lines here? Oops!) Well, I don't even read her blog anymore- can't stomach it.

I can't really stomach any of it anymore. I'm so over the internet.

Gotta go check my facebook...

Countercult Ministries Weigh in on Babywise

2009-07-21T09:03:00.001-07:00

The Christian Research Institute and Midwest Christian Outreach on Babywise/Growing Families International/Gary Ezzo

The countercult ministries, Christian Research Institute and Midwest Christian Outreach have produced several well-documented articles that take a firm stand against the parenting ideas promoted by Gary and Anne-Marie Ezzo. These are articles are exceptional and should be read by all parents, not just those who support GFI/Babywise. Christian parents need to understand that Babywise is the secularized version of Ezzo's book Preparation for Parenting / Along the Infant Way and is part of a larger parenting program than just this one book. Ezzo's ministry, Growing Families International, has a lot of problems, not the least of which are its founder's integrity, credentials, and theology. I'm posting these articles, not to condemn parents who use these methods, but to raise awareness of the controversy surrounding Gary Ezzo. Babywise isn't just another parenting method... the problem is much larger than the book.

"Christian Families On the Edge: Authoritarianism and Isolationism Among Us"

http://www.equip.org/articles/christian-families-on-the-edge

"The Cultic Characteristics of Growing Families International"

http://www.equip.org/articles/the-cultic-characteristics-of-growing-families-international

"GFI: A Matter of Bias? Examining the Response of Growing Families International Criticism"

http://www.equip.org/articles/gfi

"New Challenges Face Gary Ezzo and Growing Families International"

http://www.equip.org/articles/gary-ezzo

Adventures in Ezzoland

http://www.midwestoutreach.org/02-Information/02-OnlineReference/04-Etc/01-TheJournal/Volume8/No2-AdventureInEzzoland.html

A Godly Symbiosis

2009-07-19T05:37:00.001-07:00

The Belgic Confession states that one of the ways we know God is by observing his creation:

"First, by the creation, preservation, and government of the universe, since that universe is before our eyes like a beautiful book in which all creatures, great and small, are as letters to make us ponder the invisible things of God: his eternal power and his divinity, as the apostle Paul says in Romans 1:20."

I have long operated on the premise that the Bible and nature can be reconciled and that neither will lie to us. If they appear to contradict each other, either our interpretation of the Bible is false or the conclusions we draw from nature are false.

For example, there are folks out there who believe that the Bible's teachings on parenting contradict the needs that our children naturally and biologically require. They teach that, because parents need to establish their authority from birth, parents must feed their infant on a rigid schedule and must only attend to their needs when they cry. For example, only pick up a crying baby if they need to be changed or fed. A child's cry is their sinful way of trying to manipulate the parent, therefore, the parent must assess what the child wants or needs based on the type of cry.

Of course, the fact that parents are their children's authority is totally biblical. Parents have been charged with raising their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. They are to teach and instruct their children in God's ways day and night. We are to admonish them and discipline them.

Does this mean, however, that we must follow Gary Ezzo's way of parenting in order to establish that authority?

I believe that we can look to the way God created mothers and babies to determine whether or not Ezzo parenting is Godly and, therefore, valid.

God has designed breastfeeding as the primary way mothers feed their babies- and for good reason. Human milk contains all the necessary vitamins, minerals, and fat that a baby needs in order to grow and develop. The exact make-up of the milk is changes for each child based on what they need. No two children will have the same milk from their mother. Breastmilk digests much more quickly than artificial baby milk. It usually takes between one and three hours for a baby to digest his meal, so it is entirely within the realm of possibility that he will be hungry again an hour after he is fed. The content of breastmilk changes throughout the day. In the evening, breastmilk tends to be fattier so the baby will feel full longer. As babies begin to learn the difference between night and day, they will often nurse longer in the evening in order to get the benefit of more hindmilk which will keep them feeling full for longer periods of time.

In other words, just like adults, infants are hungry at different times during the day and sometimes more often than usual depending on when they last ate and the content of the milk.

Milk production is stimulated by the nursing infant. The more the baby nurses, the more milk the mother will produce. Over time, as babies nurse less, mother produces less milk. Every few weeks or so, babies experience a growth spurt and require more milk from their mothers. They will naturally breastfeed more often and for longer periods of time in order to create a larger supply. If a baby is nursed every three hours or so and for only 20 minutes at a time, the mother's supply will not keep up with what the baby requires to grow. Supply drops. Nursing usually ends long before what is best for the baby.

In other words, God has designed the baby to tell the mother's body what it needs nutritionally.

Most women feel what is known as "let down" when their baby nurses. After a few minutes of rapid sucking, the milk moves from the upper ducts down into the middle part of the breast. But a baby need not suck for a mother to let down. Oftentimes, it is the baby's cry that will bring down a mother's milk. I've heard several stories from women who have been out on a quick errand and feel their milk let down. They come back home to find that the baby is fussing and is ready to eat.

Babies give cues when they are ready to eat. They are not capable of demanding to be fed, but they are capable of telling us when they need to nurse. Babies root and suck on things other than the breast. They squirm. They cry. They aren't demanding. They are do what they were created to do in order to let their mother's know that they need to nurse.

In other words, a mother's body is designed to respond physically to her baby's requirement for food and a baby's body is designed to signal his mother that he needs to nurse.

However, nursing for nutrition is not the only biological reason we breastfeed. Human babies also nurse for comfort. Their sucking reflex is so strong that if they are not pacified orally, then nothing will soothe them. Nursing for comfort is not an infant's attempt to manipulate his mother. He isn't physically capable of performing that kind of cognitive function yet let alone carry it out. Babies operate on instinct, much like animals. I know this troubles a lot of Christians and I understand that, but I think there's no denying that humans do share a number of physical characteristics with animals. All mammals nurse their infants. This is by God's design. Do all mammals nurse for comfort? I don't know. Probably not. Some mammals are capable of nurturing their young like humans do, but most do not, at least not in a way that we would find valuable. We are different from animals, after all.

Babies cry for all kinds of reasons- not just because they're hungry. This is their only way to communicate that something isn't right with them. Crying is not manipulative. How else is a baby supposed to tell you that his foot itches and he can't scratch it? How else is a baby supposed to tell you that he is lonely and wants some company? How else is a baby supposed to tell you that he likes the way fleece feels against his skin rather than polyester? His only method of communication is to cry. Its not a battle of wills- he isn't trying to force his parent to do what he wants. He is trying to communicate that he has a need.

Babies who are left to "cry it out", especially in the first few weeks, will eventually stop- not because they have learned their lesson- but because they have learned its of no use. Their parent isn't coming so there's no point. What Gary Ezzo points to as an establishment of parental authority is actually a child who has given up.

In other words, human mothers are designed by God to comfort their children with the breast. Babies are designed to be comforted orally and by physical closeness with the parent. Think about it- a baby has just spent nearly 10 months curled up in a ball surrounded by amniotic fluid and muscle. He hears constant noise 24 hours a day for most of that time. He is born and all of a sudden he's supposed to stretch out and soothe himself? Babies are designed by God to cry when they need something- and comfort is a major need for babies. I'm sure most of us would not appreciate it if, when we are upset, our closest loved one told us to soothe ourselves.

And finally, babies are not designed to sleep through the night for most, if not all, of the first six months of life (or longer!). Babies awaken at night as a sort of defense mechanism against SIDS. It is not ideal for an infant to fall into the deepest stages of sleep. His nervous system is still developing. Babies who fall into a deep sleep will often forget to breathe. One of the reasons breastmilk is so quickly digested is so that the baby will not sleep through the night but awaken to eat. Babies physically require a minimum of 6 feedings in a 24 hour period. If you're not night- nuring, you're skipping at least one of those feedings.... minimum. Its one thing of the baby establishes that pattern himself. Its quite another to have that pattern forced on him by a parent who is intent on telling their baby when to be hungry and when to sleep.

Personally, I'm not at all impressed when someone says their two month old infant sleeps through the night. My first thought is- at what cost? And considering that God has not designed our babies to sleep through the night, I question why parents are so eager to force this unnatural pattern on their children. Well, I know why- they want to sleep! But really, its only for a season.

God has created a wonderful symbiosis between parent and child and, more specifically, between mother and child. He has designed our breasts to feed our young. They fill with milk especially designed for the specific baby. Milk supply is established based by the baby based on how often and how long they nurse. Babies are designed to be comforted orally and they are not physically or psychologically capable of manipulating their parents. They are also designed to awaken in the night. Aside from the fact that young infants physically need to be fed at night in order to optimally grow and develop.

Parental authority is important- I'm not trying to downplay that- but I think it behooves us to really consider how we establish that authority and at what cost. I believe we must look at the Bible and nature to tell us how to nurture our children. Our children, by nature, cue feed, cry for comfort, and wake up at night. And mothers, by nature, use their breasts and their arms to offer that comfort.