More Appreciations

1. Today, I am grateful for Facebook. This amazing site enabled me to bring closer to a very important relationship in my life, one that ended 11 years ago, but has still sort of haunted me. I requested to be this person's Facebook friend and he chose to ignore my request. I can still message, so I sent him this:

Dear S. ,

Well, it seems as though you've chosen to ignore my friend request, although I have no idea why. No worries. Just wanted to catch up after all this time. If I had known that the last time I saw you 11 years ago would be the last time I'd ever see you or talk to you I'd have said something like this: I hope you are happy and blessed. Thank you for the impact you made on me. Our friendship was one of the foundational relationships in young adult life. I still think of you every time I hear a Joni Mitchell song. I so appreciate the unique way that you look at life- the beauty you find in the simplest things or the musicality of someone's voice. You are a gift.

Okay, enough of the cheese, however sincerely meant. Good luck to you, my dear friend.

Its just what I wanted to say. Is that part of my life, that still-open wound, that "what-if", closed? Yes. Is he gone for good from my thoughts? Do you ever forget your first love? No. But you can change the way you think about him- you can look back and smile with fondness instead of wondering "what-if". I'm happy with my life and with my husband. Wouldn't change a thing.

2. Ken Samples- Sunday school teacher extraordinaire.

3. My MIL's Pot Roast. Yes, I know I'm vegan, but Sunday is my cheat day if I do feel like cheating.

4. My daughter's hair is finally getting long enough to put into pigtails.

5. Sundays in general... they are usually good nap days and GREAT days of worship of our Lord.

6. Self-control. I don't have much of it, but somehow I did manage to not pick a fight with anyone today (and I so wanted to).

7. Mark's grandpa and his constant, cheerful demeanor.

8. My son prays for our meals every night. And he loves doing it.

9. Books. I think I put this in my last appreciation, but its good to say it again.

10. Sleep. I plan on getting a lot of it tonight.

UPDATE: Five minutes after I hit "send" on that email, I got a response. I just wanted to make sure that I hadn't been forgotten. A part of me, rightly or wrongly, still seems to need validation from this relationship that has been totally over for 11 years now. Got a little teary when I read this:

I've had a couple of experiences this week in berlin that made me think of you. i'm lucky that you look back on our experiences together so positively. I sometimes wonder, judging my teenage self.

I confess, I got a little teary. I was a teenager all over again.

Back to the real world, where I live and LOVE and am present, committed, and persevering.